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Hi, I’m Tim, and I’ve been a professional sex toy tester for nearly ten years now. I’ve gotten to talk to a lot of people in the course of my work, and I’m always surprised what people — even people who like and use sex toys — think about sex toys and the people who use them. Read on to learn more about the top ten sex toy myths and why they need to be debunked.
Table Of Contents
- Myth #1: “Sex Toys Will Replace Your Partner”
- Myth #2: “Only Single People Use Sex Toys”
- Myth #3: “Sex Toys Are Addictive”
- Myth #4: “Using Them Means Something’s Wrong With You”
- Myth #5: “They Are Only for Certain Types of People”
- Myth #6: “Men Don’t Need Sex Toys”
- Myth #7: “You’ll Get Desensitized From Using Toys”
- Myth #8: “Sex Toys Are Uncomfortable or Awkward”
- Myth #9: “You Have to Spend a Lot of Money For a Good Toy”
- Myth #10: “Buying Sex Toys Is Embarrassing”
- Final Thoughts
Myth #1: “Sex Toys Will Replace Your Partner”
People worry that they will want to replace their partners with sex toys, or that their partners will want to replace them with sex toys. We will be blunt and honest here: it is true that in a purely physical sense, sex toys may deliver a more powerful orgasm than a human partner (let’s face it; penises do not vibrate at up to 9000 RPM like a Magic Wand, Doxy, or Domi 2, and vaginas do not have the twists and turns and textures that a Tenga masturbator sports).
But sex with a partner is more than sensation. Sex toys do not share sensuality, intimacy, love, and laughter. Healthy and happy couples consider sex toys to be teammates, not rivals. Psychology Today reports that couples who use sex toys have good sex AND good relationships.
Myth #2: “Only Single People Use Sex Toys”
If you think that you are the only couple who uses sex toys (together and/or separately) — or worse, that you are the only couple who uses sex toys and there’s something wrong with that — well, this is a myth that needs to be debunked. Ella Paradis reports that over 61% of Americans buy sex toys for themselves and their partners, and 41% of Americans use sex toys for both partnered and solo sex. Pleasure tech is just one more way for people to connect in an increasingly disconnected world.
Myth #3: “Sex Toys Are Addictive”
The American Society of Addiction Medicine defines addiction as “complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual’s life experiences. People with addiction use substances or engage in behaviors that become compulsive and often continue despite harmful consequences.”
It is true that sex addiction can be a real problem and we do not want to make light of that in any way, but it’s also very different than using personal electronics to enjoy your body and your partner’s body. If sex toys are not creating any harmful consequences in your life and/or your relationships, then you have very little to worry about. Enjoy!
Myth #4: “Using Them Means Something’s Wrong With You”
Frankly, what’s wrong here is the idea that there is anything at all wrong with maximizing your personal pleasure. This is a sex toy guide and not a history book, so we’ll just leave it at this: the idea that pleasure is shameful is a uniquely Puritanical view and it is not supported by medicine, science, psychology, or most of human history.
It is healthy to love yourself and your body, and this includes the kind of love that includes sex toys. Folks who do this are happier and more self-confident, and that makes them better partners as well as better people. Who knew that something like the Autoblow AI Ultra masturbator could add so much to your life?
Myth #5: “They Are Only for Certain Types of People”
If you read what we wrote above, we know that you’ll agree that sex toys are for happy, healthy, confident, and well-adjusted people. Obviously, this isn’t what most people mean when they whisper that sex toys are for “those types of people” — but it’s true.
However, it’s the only “type” casting that applies to sex toy users. Sex toys are for people who want to enhance their sexual experiences. This applies to gay people and straight people, married people and single people, parents and the child-free, C-suite executives and the working class, city dwellers and country folk, and so on.
Myth #6: “Men Don’t Need Sex Toys”
Vibrators for women were invented in 1869 (coal-powered!); vibrators for men were invented in 2013. So this particular myth actually has a little more gravitas than others in this article, because for over a century, society did seem to believe that men don’t need sex toys.
But we believe that all genders deserve equal opportunity to participate in pleasure tech, and we are thrilled to report on the exponential rise (so to speak) in sex toys for people with penises and prostates. Anyone who wants to use sex toys should, and we are here to help guide you to what will work best for your body.
Myth #7: “You’ll Get Desensitized From Using Toys”
There is also a tiny, tiny bit of truth to this one. Using a very powerful vibrator on super-sensitive tissue can cause mild, transitory numbness. This is a normal physical reaction to intense stimulation (the same thing can happen if you use a high-pressure massage gun, for instance). Your body will “reset” itself in a matter of hours; you have not broken your booty.
In fact, the opposite may be true for people with vulvas. Using sex toys regularly can increase lubrication, especially if you hit your A-spot, and can make it easier to orgasm. Both of these make your body more sensitive during partnered sex, not less.
Myth #8: “Sex Toys Are Uncomfortable or Awkward”
Can we be perfectly honest here? Lots of sex is awkward and at least momentarily uncomfortable at times, and that doesn’t make it any less awesome. And more honesty ahead — sex with yourself is at least a little less likely to be awkward because you only have one set of limbs and no surprise choreography to contend with.
Besides, pleasure tech is one of the hottest fields out there these days. Sex toys came into their own, as they say, during pandemic lockdowns and the industry is expected to continue growing at a CAGR of 8.3% through 2030. What this means for us at the user level is that sex toy companies have money to invest in design, ergonomics, and the user experience.
Myth #9: “You Have to Spend a Lot of Money For a Good Toy”
You can absolutely spend a lot of money on good toys, and in most cases, you get what you pay for. High-end sex toys are crafted from premium silicone and other luxurious materials, and they are loaded with thoughtful features. People who want the best of the best and are willing to pay for it can find it in today’s sex toy market.
But this doesn’t mean that basic is bad. Any sex toy from a reputable manufacturer or retailer will be body-friendly and very, very usable. Even some of our sex toy testers, who have had the opportunity to experiment with the latest and greatest out there, still find themselves reaching for a simple but powerful bullet vibrator, wand vibrator, or vibrating butt plug on their own time and their own dime. There’s a reason why “Old Faithful” is the world’s most popular!
Myth #10: “Buying Sex Toys Is Embarrassing”
This isn’t necessarily a myth; people have their own feelings and it’s hard to overcome feelings of shame around sex and sex toys. But let’s break this down a little: if anyone sees you in a sex toy store, they are there for the same reason so neither of you should be embarrassed. The same goes for buying your sex toys online. All reputable retailers ship their packages in plain boxes with no logos or branding. The return address is typically a boring corporate alias — so if your mail carrier recognizes it, it’s because they shop there too!
We understand not wanting the world to know your business. But always remember that sex toys are a personal self-care item, and self-care should never be embarrassing.
Final Thoughts
In a decade of working as a sex toy tester, I’ve learned a lot about personal electronics and pleasure tech. I’ve also learned that sex toys are for every body, of any gender, in any relationship or no relationship at all. Pleasure, sensuality, and intimacy are universal and we need more of these in this world, not less.
Happy vibing!
Maggie
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