We use affiliate links and may receive a small commission on purchases.
I’ll be honest with you. It takes me a long time to orgasm with a partner. If my mind is in the right place and the oral and manual stimulation is just right, it may take around 26 minutes.
As a result, for a long time, I felt anxious when receiving oral sex, as I didn’t want to over-exercise my partner’s tongue if they weren’t into it. I even faked it a few times, not wanting to explain that everything was great, but they just had to keep up the exact stimulation for another 15 minutes.
The only way I can orgasm quickly is with my vibrator. However, it wasn’t until my partner walked in on me buzzing away that we thought about incorporating sex toys into our sessions.
Table Of Contents
Why Is There Stigma Around Sex Toys?
As an open and sex-positive person, why didn’t I make the connection to incorporate toys into partnered play? I think on some level, I was worried about offending my partner. I felt that by bringing in a type of stimulation that wasn’t his penis, finger, or tongue, he would feel like I wasn’t happy with our sex life.
There is something so ridiculous about this comparison, though. Sex toys are tools to increase pleasure, the same way that exploring new positions, power dynamics, and dirty talk are. There is no situation where I would find a fantastic vibrator and tell my partner that I want to break up and cuddle and whisper sweet nothings to my new sex toy instead.
It seems odd for folks to feel threatened by a sex toy. When hooking up with someone, we should want them to feel as much pleasure as possible. If we could use a tool to increase satisfaction, wouldn’t that be a solid aim?
Furthermore, if you are exploring sex toys with a partner, it’s not like the pleasure you feel becomes directed at the toy. You aren’t like, “Fuck Ya Hitachi!” When you are thinking back at the intense orgasm you had with a partner, with or without the assistance of a toy, you are still thinking about the experience with your partner.
However, using sex toys during partnered sex is still not normalized. So let’s explore some benefits of utilizing toys.
How Can Toys Make Partnered Sex Better?
- Do penises have six vibration settings? Are they ridged, rotating, or multi-pronged? I didn’t think so. By incorporating sex toys into sexual encounters, you expand your sexual repertoire. There are opportunities for more pleasure and unique stimulation that humans can’t physically produce.
- There are several erogenous zones that, when stimulated, can make sexual encounters more pleasurable, including the clitoris, the nipples, the anus, and the vagina, among other areas. But alas, if you are engaging with one partner, they only have two hands. Using sex toys is one way to increase the amount of stimulation you can receive.
- The clitoris is the key to pleasure for many women. Research shows that less than 20% of women can orgasm without some type of clitoral stimulation. The issue is, especially when you are engaging in penetration – the clitoris isn’t always easy to access with fingers. Using a toy that stimulates the clitoris during intercourse can lead to more intense orgasms and make it easier for vagina owners to orgasm during penetration.
- Many vulva owners orgasm when masturbating but cannot reach the sensation necessary to cum with a partner. By introducing sex toys into partnered sex, many women will orgasm more regularly with a partner.
- Ever heard of sex toys helping couples communicate better? By introducing one, you’re opening up a dialogue about what you both like, what feels good, and what might need some adjustment. That kind of conversation can make intimacy even stronger.
- Sex toys can also help those dealing with sexual dysfunction. For some, penetration alone doesn’t always do the trick, and that’s okay! Using a vibrator or clitoral stimulator can fill in the gaps, taking the pressure off both partners. It can be reassuring to know there are tools to enhance experiences when needed. Who knew a bit of buzzing could be so comforting?
You can read more about the benefits of sex toys in this article.
Considering Your Partner’s Perspective
Okay, let’s address the elephant in the room – your partner might feel a bit uneasy about the idea of introducing a pleasure product. It’s not that they don’t want you to feel good; sometimes, they worry they won’t measure up to the gadget. They may feel like the sex toy is some competition in the bedroom.
This is where an open, honest conversation comes in handy. Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Starting the chat by acknowledging their potential concerns can help smooth things over. Let them know this isn’t about replacing anything; it’s about adding a new layer to what you already have. Everyone wants to be the “superstar” in bed, so reassuring them can go a long way.
Choosing Safe and Quality Toys
Now, a little practical advice: not all toys are created equal. I can’t stress enough the importance of choosing body-safe materials. This isn’t just about fun; it’s about your sexual health, too. Look for products made of silicone, stainless steel, or ABS plastic. These materials are non-porous, meaning they won’t harbor bacteria if cleaned properly. Cheap, sketchy materials can sometimes cause irritation or, worse, infections. When in doubt, check the labels, do some research, and select reputable brands.
Hygiene also plays a huge role. Make cleaning a part of your aftercare routine. A quick rinse with warm water and mild soap or a designated toy cleaner works wonders. Storing them in a clean, dry place ensures they stay in good condition for future use. Just think of it as taking care of any other intimate item you wouldn’t want to compromise on.
How Do You Introduce Sex Toys With A Partner?
Despite what we have discussed regarding how sex toys should not be near as threatening as Carl from the gym, some men may have an initial negative gut reaction when brought up.
Keep in mind we still live in a culture that has yet to normalize sex toys in partnered play, so advocating for your pleasure is radical. I am mainly speaking about heterosexual relationships because sex toy use is more normalized among gay and bisexual women and gay men, with straight couples lagging.
- When bringing up sex toys with a partner, regardless of gender and sexual orientation, I suggest explaining that you enjoy sex with your partner, and sex toys could be something fun and new to explore.
- Enter the conversation with an idea of what type of sex toy you would be interested in trying out and for what purpose. For example, you can say that adding clitoral stimulation during intercourse could help the penetration feel even more intense for you (or whatever type of stimulation you are excited about).
- You can even use humor when bringing it up by explaining there is no situation where you will leave your partner for a piece of silicone.
- If they still seem uneasy about it, gently help them explore why that may be.
- If you are worried about how your partner will react, start with a cute smaller toy, like a non-threatening clitoral stimulator or cock rings, instead of a jumbo veiny dildo.
- Once the toy is purchased, perhaps begin by letting them watch you use the toy so they can experience first-hand the pleasure-giving possibilities of toys.
Final Words
The options are endless, but it’s clear that opening the door to sex toys leads to more opportunities for pleasurable sensations. If you explain this to a partner and they refuse, they also refuse to give you the most pleasure they can, which isn’t right.
It takes some experimentation to find the best ways to incorporate sex toys into erotic encounters – but it is very much worth it!
Happy vibing!
Niki Davis-Fainbloom
Linkedin Profile | Website | Instagram
- How To Introduce Sex Toys In A Relationship, According To A Sex Educator - October 3, 2024
- What Is Hypnosis Fetish? Demystifying Hypnofetish - June 11, 2024
- Orgasm Statistics for Men: With NEW Data (VR, Smart Toys) - June 10, 2024
