8 Best Submissive Sex Positions For Beginners

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Note: throughout this article, we’re assuming that partners engage in penetrative sex; the penetrating partner is the Dom/me and the receiving partner is the sub. That’s definitely not the only way to play, but it is the most common and it’s the focus here and now.

If you and your partner have decided to explore power dynamics in your sex life, you may be wondering how to get started. As always, it’s up to you and your partner to decide what works best for you, but we’re here to get started by talking about sex positions that lend themselves very well to this dynamic.

1. Pile Driver

The Pile Driver probably won’t be your daily driver because it requires strength, flexibility, and balance, but it’s an excellent way for a sub to feel truly dominated. The Dom has full control over the experience and is able to penetrate deeply and thrust forcefully. This can be a real boundary-pusher!

What We’re Doing

The submissive/receiving partner lies on their back, in a fetal position with their legs tucked into their chest.
The submissive partner rocks back and forth to build up momentum to raise their legs over their head.
The Dominant/penetrating partner stands in front of the submissive partner, between their legs. The Dominant partner lifts the submissive partner’s hips and lower back off the ground and supports their thighs.
The Dominant partner bends their legs slightly (depending on the height difference between the partners) and penetrates the submissive partner from above.

2. Standing Against a Wall

This standing sex position doesn’t require a bed or any props other than a wall or other support. It’s great for spontaneous and/or semi-public play. The Dominant partner can use their body to pin the submissive partner against the wall.

What We’re Doing

The submissive/receiving partner stands with their back against the wall for support and their legs slightly apart.
The Dominant/penetrating partner stands facing the submissive partner, between their legs. The Dominant partner may need to bend their legs slightly to align pelvises, depending on the height difference between the partners.
The submissive partner bends one leg slightly, raises it, and wraps it around the waist of the Dominant partner.
The Dominant partner uses their hand to guide their penis inside.
The Dominant partner can use one hand to hold the submissive partner’s arms above their head.

3. Lying Doggy (Prone)

While a lot of BDSM play is about energy and power, there’s still room for easy sex in a relationship, and this position is great for that. It’s comfortable for both partners and doesn’t require a lot of exertion for either. It’s also very sensual and intimate. Lying doggy lends itself well to a Dom/sub dynamic because the Dominant partner maintains control throughout. They also have access to spank the submissive partner or pull their hair.

What We’re Doing

The submissive/receiving partner lies face-down on the bed, legs slightly spread. They can raise themselves up on their elbows (like a forearm plank). They can also put a pillow under their hips if that’s a better angle.
The Dominant/penetrating partner lies face-down on top of the submissive partner. They can raise themselves slightly on their knees.
The Dominant partner uses their hand to guide their penis inside.
The Dominant partner can use their hands and arms to hold the submissive partner down or hold their hands over their head.

4. Frog Tie (Bondage Position)

This position puts the B in BDSM! While it is suitable for folks new to this kind of play (it does not require extensive props and it’s relatively easy to disentangle if the safe word comes out), it probably shouldn’t be a first-time thing. It does require some knowledge of each other’s boundaries and non-verbal communications.

You will need some restraints for this position. Bondage rope is a good choice (bondage rope is typically softer on the skin than rope from the big-box hardware store). Leather belts can also work if the edges are smooth, or silk ties or scarves.

What We’re Doing

The submissive/receiving partner stands with their hands behind their back, as if they were under arrest.
The Dominant/penetrating partner binds the submissive partner’s wrists together. They can also bind the sub’s arms to their chest, if they are comfortable with that.
The submissive partner then squats down, legs spread wide and tucks their chest to their knees. The Dominant partner binds each leg by tying the sub’s ankle to their thigh. The Dominant partner may need to physically support the sub during this process.
The submissive partner then lies back. The Dominant partner kneels between their legs and penetrates.

5. Missionary With Legs on Shoulder

This variation on missionary has the submissive partner pinned down and the Dominant partner in complete control, but the familiarity of the missionary position can feel comforting. It is not difficult and does not require props or restraints, although the sub’s wrists and arms can be restrained with only very minor tweaks.

What We’re Doing

The submissive/receiving partner lies on their back with their knees bent. They lift their legs over their shoulder or as far back as possible. (The Dominant partner can provide support.)
The Dominant/penetrating partner kneels between the submissive partner’s legs. The Dominant partner lifts the submissive partner’s legs over their shoulders.
Alternatively, the submissive partner can lie on their back with knees bent. The Dominant partner can kneel between the submissive partner’s legs and then lift the sub’s legs over their shoulders.
The Dominant partner uses their hand to guide their penis inside.

6. The Power Grab

This is another position that perfectly captures the BDSM dynamics without any need for props, restraints, or gymnastics. It’s relatively comfortable for both partners and great for spontaneous, anytime play. It also gives the Dominant partner access to spank the sub or pull their hair.

What We’re Doing

The submissive/receiving partner positions themself on their hands and knees in the classic doggy-style
The Dominant/penetrating partner kneels behind the submissive partner, between their legs.
The Dominant partner pins the submissive partner’s hands behind their back. This means that their head/face will be on the bed. We recommend that the sub turn their head slightly and rest on their cheek instead of their forehead.
The Dominant partner uses their hand to guide their penis inside.

7. The Armlock Position

Like the Power Grab, this is a variation on doggy. As such, it feels comfortably familiar but it’s easy to adapt to add a BDSM twist. This is somewhat easier physically than the Power Grab, but no less exciting for either partner. Also, because the sub can stay fully on their knees in this position, they have more leverage to thrust back at the Dominant partner.

What We’re Doing

The submissive/receiving partner positions themself on their hands and knees in the classic doggy-style position.
The Dominant/penetrating partner kneels behind the submissive partner, between their legs.
The Dominant partner pins one of the submissive partner’s arms behind their back. The sub can use their other arm to maintain balance.
The Dominant partner uses their hand to guide their penis in.

8. Doggy Blowjob

If you haven’t noticed yet, quite a few of our favorite submissive sex positions are variations on doggy-style. Starting out with the submissive partner on their knees is an invitation to power play! In this position, the Dominant partner can control the submissive partner’s head and everything else about the encounter.

What We’re Doing

The submissive/receiving partner kneels on hands and knees at the edge of the bed.
The Dominant/penetrating partner stands at the edge of the bed.
The submissive partner performs fellatio on the Dominant partner.
The Dominant partner can pull the submissive partner’s hair or hold their head.

Let’s Talk About Consent

Consent is a crucial part of every relationship and every encounter, but even more so when it comes to play like BDSM or consensual non-consent. Partners should establish clear expectations and boundaries with cool heads and clothes on. They should also continue to check in with each other, since consent is an ongoing conversation and anyone can change their mind at any time.

Establish a Safe Word

A safe word is an important part of consent, especially in BDSM play where the *idea*, but not the reality, of overpowering your partner is part of the fun. A safe word is a word that is unmistakable and unlikely to be part of sexy talk — we suggest something like banjo or pineapple. If either partner says the safe word, all play stops. Immediately. Full stop. It’s much easier to resume activities if it was a misunderstanding than it is to recover if you don’t stop and you hurt your partner (and your partner’s trust in you).

Playtime Props

We are My Sex Toy Guide, so obviously we have ideas here. You don’t absolutely need sex toys or gear to explore the BDSM dynamic — but they’re fun. Items that work well for this kind of play include cuffs and restraints, impact toys, blindfolds, nipple clamps, spreader bars, butt plugs, and vibrators.

If you are new to this game and you aren’t sure whether you want to invest but you still want to play safely, we recommend some silk scarves or neckties. These work as blindfolds and restraints, and they aren’t a major investment in bondage gear. Otherwise, many of the same toys that you enjoy in vanilla sex will work just fine.

Aftercare

Aftercare is essential for both partners and also for your toys and props. BDSM play can be very intense (for the Dom/me as well as for the sub), and it’s a really good idea to spend some time cuddling and checking in with each other. It’s also a good idea to debrief a little about what worked well and what you might want to do differently next time. Both partners need to commit to hearing “what you might want to differently” with an open mind and heart.

Practically, you need to wash anything that touched your genitals or any bodily fluids (Really, it’s easier just to wash everything.) Always follow the manufacturer’s instructions, but generally, sex toys get washed with mild soap and warm water. Leather restraints get wiped down, and silk scarves get hand-washed. Inspect all your gear before putting it away; you don’t want to be depending on a restraint that has a tear that could weaken it.

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Maggie Hart

Maggie Hart has written about sexual well-being and sexuality in society for quite a few years now. She is active in communities that celebrate sex for older adults.