Are you wondering how to have gay anal sex? Then you will find this gay sex guide by sex educator M.Christian helpful.
Everyone has the right to enjoy consensual sex, be it oral, vaginal, or what we discuss here, receptive anal sex. When it involves two or more same-sex partners, to be more specific.
Same-sex anal play has more, not less, in common with opposite-sex play. But there are some key differences. So we thought it would be worth exploring same-sex anal play. As everyone has the right to consensual pleasure, so do we all deserve acceptance, recognition, and support.
Table Of Contents
Why You Should Trust Us
We at My Sex Toy Guide have dedicated ourselves to learning about human sexuality. Then we use our education to guide people in exploring their interests and desires.
No matter what turns you on, we have a bunch of staff writers who know everything about it. From the best sexual positions to how to do bondage safely, we are here to lend a hand. Or other body parts, as the case may be.
But even experts like ourselves need help now and again. When we do, we have a bunch of qualified sex educators to call on. M.Christian is one such authority.
They are a respected erotica writer, sextech journalist, and in-person lecturer. Armed with their considerable experience in all things sexual, they are here to aid us in talking about the pleasures of same-sex play.
What Is Bottoming?
Gay bottoming is often the term for whoever is on the receiving end. It is frequently used by members of the gay male community or in porn. Though it is not exclusive to either.
In BDSM, it may refer to a submissive. This is primarily due to them being on the receiving end of a dominant’s kinky ministrations. But in the scene, does not necessarily involve penetrative sex play.
It is important to note we do not have a concrete definition of what is or is not gay sex. Similarly, no one can say who is or who is not gay.
It is up to you and you alone how you prefer to identify. Again, there is no test, no qualifications, only what feels right to you. You also cannot judge others for what they enjoy, the porn they like, or how they refer to themselves.
For the sake of simplicity, we are using “gay” for two or more male-identified persons engaged in sex play. But they can be penis equipped or not.
We sincerely apologize if anyone is insulted by this. If so, please let us know on Twitter.
All of us at My Sex Toy Guide pledge to support everyone’s right to sex and gender self-expression, which means acknowledging our mistakes. Then how to be better going forward.
Why Do Men Bottom?
There are many reasons why most sexually active adults would want to receive anal sex.
The most obvious is anal sex can feel really good, mostly due to the rectal sphincter’s myriad nerve endings.
Which most of you are probably already familiar with. Like the sense of arousal which sometimes accompanies your ass after a bowel movement.
But that’s not all there is to it. The rest of the rectum has its own array of arousing nerves. And these can be stimulated in all sorts of ways. Rectal intercourse is clearly one of them.
Additionally, when a penis or sex toy is inserted into the anus, it can apply pressure to the genitals. Plus, especially vigorous penetration may result in the formation of internal waves during sex.
These rhythmic waves radiate outwards and inwards and can work sexual magic on the receiver’s private parts.
The prostate is another excellent reason penis-equipped people are aroused by rectal penetration. It is positioned between the rectum and the bladder and generates seminal fluid; when massaged, it produces a very powerful orgasm.
But that is not all. Because for some guys, it can also enhance their penile orgasms. Something power bottoms are well aware of.
Though it is also possible to do both at the same time, which can result in a sensation often likened to experiencing multiple orgasms.
Do not forget the psychological aspect of being on the receiving end of receiving ass sex. For those who consider themselves bottoms, it may be a key aspect of their arousal. The same might be true for people turned on by pleasuring their partners with their bodies.
Kinky-minded individuals also find submission exciting, particularly when ordered to do so by a dominant.
Equally, if it is expected of them, like when part of a long-term servitude arrangement with a top.
These are only a few examples of why gay men like to receive anal intercourse. Because we could not list them all, please do not think your sexual experiences are somehow wrong because we did not mention them.
Not at all! Like your right to self-identity, how or why you find sexual pleasure in something is always valid.
As we like to say, as long as partner play is mutually consensual. Same too if it or solo activities do not harm yourself or someone else. Otherwise, why and how you like to have sex is up to you!
How To Prepare To Bottom?
Gay men can do a wide range of things in preparation for anal penetration.
One of the most common ways is to try it. By this, we mean anal is not something you can just leap into. Rather, it can take quite a bit of practice before it gets comfortable.
We do not recommend it unless you have gotten familiar with how it feels. A great way to start is by getting your sphincter used to being penetrated.
For your first time, use a gloved finger, suitably slick with a lot of an anal play-specific lubricant.
Your anus will not be comfortable the first time you put something up your butt. But by being patient, gentle, and slow, eventually, you will be able to insert a whole finger deep inside. Then, with more practice, two or more fingers.
Your next step is buying a narrow butt plug, which is fantastic for expanding your rectal sphincter. Not to forget making it more used to having something inserted into it. From there, you can graduate to a larger butt plug.
Same, too, for leaving them in for greater lengths of time. It may take a bit of time, but in due course, you can take a penis-sized sex toy for the first time, opening the door to receive penetrative play.
But that is not all there is to do, like how you should make your anus as fecal matter free as you can.
There are three different ways to do it. First, use a shower hose enema or douche to flush out your rectum. Do not use too much water pressure as this can be harmful.
When you start, you will encounter poop. But after a while, there will be less waste and more water. At the end of the cleaning process, there should be zero waste, and all the water should be clear.
The other option is to go on a gay bottom diet, involving restricting your intake of insoluble fibrous foods a day before playing. Afterward, stick to the soluble variety along with lots of fluids.
Here is a healthy high-fiber diet you can eat beforehand. Oat bran is great, and so is non-dairy yogurt. Brown rice, potatoes, cauliflower, and green beans are also good.
Avoid dairy, red meat, non-digestible fruits, and veggies. The goal is to have free-flowing bowels that leave little or nothing behind.
As medications affect your digestion, the only drug you should take is a drug approved by your doctor.
In our opinion, the third technique beats them all; to use an enema after a pre-penetration dietary regimen.
It may sound overly cautious, but our point is a clean rectum is more comfortable. Not only that, but it also seriously reduces the risk of getting hurt.
Does Bottoming Hurt?
Without proper precautions, bottoming can be uncomfortable for most people. And it can even be potentially harmful.
Therefore it is essential to understand the risks involved. Then do whatever it takes to minimize them.
Of them all, the most dangerous is contracting a sexually transmitted infection. HIV, of course, but many other sexually transmitted infections can make a bottom’s life miserable.
The list is, unfortunately, a long one. From an HIV infection to hepatitis, oral and genital herpes, and all the way to gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis.
We will get into these other serious risks shortly. But for pain and how to reduce it, we strongly recommend a two-pronged approach.
The first we have already touched on. Exercise your anus by using butt plugs or other specifically designed sex toys. Coupled with a careful diet regime and flushing out excess waste with an enema or douche.
The other part is to use a lot of lube. But not just any sexual lubricant because the anus will soak up water-based ones. These are fine for vaginal play, though far less good so for anal sex.
So restrict yourself to using only anal play-approved lubricants. These are usually oil or silicone lube, but other types are also available. Oil-based lubes or otherwise; they must be formulated for anal sex.
And do not skrimp when applying a silicone-based lube. Particularly for your first time.
Yes, the anus does not absorb oil or silicone-based lubricants as hungrily as when you use a water-based lube. But it will still soak up a good amount of anal sex lubricants.
So keep the lube flowing. Be sure to apply more lube even when you think you may be using too much because a dry anus is an irritated anus. Not only that, but an irritated anus is a painful or maybe even seriously injured one.
Finally, communication is vital to avoid discomfort or injury. Before you do anything, ensure you and your partner are on the same page. Like what you want, do not want, or what worries you.
Be sure and get tested to ensure you and your partner are HIV negative.
It is worth mentioning porn stars are actors. And their performances in porn videos do not always depict the realities of real-life anal intercourse.
Set up safe words to let each other know should things not work out. The same is true if you want to change what you are doing or just need a break.
If you feel someone is unwilling or unable to communicate, do not play with them, which can be challenging, especially in the heat of passion. But it is far better to be safe now rather than sorry later. Particularly considering how dangerous it can be.
How To Have Gay Anal Sex For The First Time
To reiterate what we have already mentioned, here is a comprehensive breakdown of how to safely enjoy anal sex.
While we have tried to be thorough, we are only human. As such, we encourage everyone to educate themselves about it. Doing so will keep you updated on how to do it and ways to avoid unnecessarily risky activities.
Fortunately, we have written extensively on anal. But we are not the only authorities you can consult. Planned Parenthood is a wonderful resource, as is Healthline and WebMD.
So educate yourself and do whatever you can to lessen its possible risks. Do it for your partners and yourself, as well, because sex is never worth harming anyone for.
1. Take Your Time
We have already touched on dieting, exercising your anal sphincter, and douching. But none of these are worth anything if you or your partner are impatient.
Nature never intended your ass to have something shoved up it. So from the get-go, anal play is going uphill in this regard.
However, that does not mean it is impossible or even uncomfortable. Though if you apply too much pressure on an unready anus, it definitely will be.
Therefore, we insist everyone take a deep breath and go slow. Rushing anal penetration does nothing but seriously increases the likelihood of injuring the receiver.
Deep breaths also do wonders for easing your bowel movements and digestive system. Many guys also meditate for the same effect.
A good attitude is not to make anal goal oriented. We mean to avoid pressuring everyone to make it happen, which not only makes the experience frustrating but easily leads to risky behavior, mainly because one partner does not want to disappoint the other.
But when anal play is just that and not necessarily penetration, everyone can relax. So if it happens, that is great. But it is not a big deal if it does not occur.
2. Communication
Here go again, making our point that talking to one another is crucial. But there is one very good reason why we are repeating ourselves. Without clear communication, a bad situation will likely become far worse.
You cannot go wrong by discussing every step during your first attempt, helping everyone understand what is going on, and allowing for adjustments.
You and your partner discussing everything may sound odd, but it can be incredibly effective.
The same is true for how it lets each of you get into the head of the other. If you talk only a few times, your playmate will not be able to get a grip on how you communicate. But the more you discuss your feelings, the faster they will grasp your meaning.
Similarly, avoid playing with anyone who does not immediately stop when you tell them to.
3. The Importance of Aftercare
Just because you or your playmate is finished does not mean anal playtime is over. Depending on the person, there may be lingering discomfort.
Emotional factors are also important; some people might need tender loving care to recover.
Since anal penetration is not what our bodies evolved to do, there might be times when discomfort becomes serious pain. Though some are expected, particularly those new to it, have your doctor check you out if it persists.
Equally, if your body seems to be reacting negatively to it, like loose bowels for several days after, blood in your stool, nausea, or cramps.
Going to your local Emergency Room may be embarrassing but delaying treatment is a lot worse. If anything, it might make your situation considerably worse. So please consult a medical professional wherever you feel it is necessary.
You can read more about what to do after anal in this article.
Are There Any Risks With Bottoming?
There are numerous risks involved with bottoming. And we have already discussed Sexually Transmitted Infections.
The best way to reduce exposure to them is to insist your playmates use condoms. The opposite is equally true; how safe sex also prevents the person doing the penetrating from contracting them from you.
So like insisting on unequivocal and constant consent, negotiation and communication do the same for a safer sex life.
A good way to further reduce your risk of HIV transmission and other STIs is to replace condoms often. Not only that, but make sure whatever kind of condoms you use is approved for anal play.
It is a myth that it can stretch or distort the anal muscles. Yes, if done often and with extremely large sex toys, it may take some time for your anus to bounce back. But if left alone, it will return to its original dimensions.
This does not mean there is the possibility of rectal injury. Mostly because anal walls can be easily torn. When this happens, it is another reason to seek medical help. In severe cases, it may require a stitch or two. Antibiotics will probably also be prescribed to avoid infection.
But the anus is pretty good at healing itself. If you suspect your anus has been injured, go to your doctor immediately.
In very rare cases, the anus can be dislodged. Called a prolapse, it may be due to someone withdrawing a penis or sex toy too rapidly. And this is believed to create a partial suction that pulls the anus out of place.
At the end of the day, it’s relatively rare and may require considerable force. If you use an especially wide (AKA gaping) or long toy (AKA depth play), insert a finger between it and your anus for a few seconds to prevent suction from forming when removing it.
Best Gay Anal Positions
Getting the most out of anal may often depend on the different positions you and your partner use. In this spirit, we have put together a list of three of the ones we feel might give you the most bang for your buck.
As we are fond of saying, this should not keep you from trying other ones. If you are inclined, you can also try to develop a few of your own. After all, only you and whoever you play with can determine what is best.
Body types and mobility concerns factor into which positions make you the happiest. So have fun playing around until you hit the jackpot.
1. Doggy Style
A tried and true classic, doggy or from behind, was practically made for anal penetration.
If you want to get into this position, the receiver first gets down on all fours. Then their playmate enters them from behind.
In addition to granting fantastic access to their anus, the receiver can easily adjust the angle, depth, and so forth.
If they find kneeling on fours uncomfortable, they can support themselves with pillows. Another way to modify this position is for the receiver to bend over a bed or piece of furniture.
2. Anal Missionary
This position is a favorite for penis-vagina intercourse. It is also fantastic for anal sex.
It involves one person lying on their back. Next, their playmate penetrates their ass.
It has a long list of good points, like how both people can look at one another. It also frees up the receiving person’s cock for masturbation. Or, for that matter, anything else they want to do with it.
The only potential downside to this position is it can be rough on the penetrating playmate’s back.
The receiver can lay with their hips on the edge of the bed to reduce their partner’s back strain. This way, their playmate can stand or kneel when penetrating them.
3. Side-by-side
Here is an amazing position for people with mobility concerns. It involves partners lying next to one another while facing the same direction. When done, one partner can penetrate the other’s butt.
We have to admit it may take a bit of maneuvering to get into. But it is well worth it.
Particularly as it reduces the strain on both partners’ backs. This is why this side-by-side position works so well.
This position also allows for a more relaxed, patient anal sex experience. So it is more than fantastic for those new to penetrative anal sex.
You can find many more gay sex positions here.
Thanks for reading my guide on how to bottom!
M.Christian
Do you have any anal sex questions? Ask us on Twitter.
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