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Inserting a big dildo can feel a bit intimidating especially if you’re new to larger toys. But don’t worry—it’s all about taking your time, being kind to yourself, and following a few simple steps to make the experience as enjoyable as possible. As a sexologist with over 10 years of experience helping people improve their sexual health, I’ve guided many people through new and sometimes daunting experiences in the bedroom. So I’m here to walk you through everything you need to know to make this a safe and fun journey.
Let’s get started!
Start with the Right Mindset
Before you even reach for your dildo you want to be in the right headspace because sex isn’t just physical; it’s mental too. If you’re feeling tense, anxious, or distracted it’s going to make everything so much harder (and not in a good way, trust me). Think of it like getting into a cold pool. You wouldn’t just jump in—you’d dip your toe in first, get used to it, and then slowly wade deeper.
To get into the right headspace, try some relaxation techniques beforehand. Mindfulness exercises, deep breathing, or even a warm bath can be great ways to unwind. Let your body relax and get in tune with itself and the experience will be so much smoother and more enjoyable. Taking the time to set the mood with soft lighting or music can also help. You will thank me later.
Let’s Talk About Different Dildo Types
It’s also important to know that not all big dildos are created equal. Some are textured, some are smooth; some are silicone, and some are glass or metal. The best part? Each material and texture gives a different sensation. If you’re a beginner a smooth silicone dildo might be the most comfortable option as it’s gentle on the skin and flexible enough to follow your body’s curves. If you’re more advanced you might want to try a textured one or even a glass product for firmer sensations. Experiment around to find what works for you.
Pro Tip: A dildo with a suction base can be a great asset. It’s like having an extra hand holding everything in place so that you can concentrate on the sensation and depth.
But how do you pick your size? I recommend buying a dildo that’s a bit smaller than your ultimate goal and increasing the size in small increments, for example, 0.25 inches. You can also buy a stretching kit that comes with many different sizes. Or even an inflatable dildo.
Want to see all the options? We have a guide to the best big dildos where you can find much more information.
Warm Up: It’s Not Optional
Just like an athlete warms up before a game, your body needs some time to get ready. This is where smaller dildos, fingers, or even some light foreplay can come in handy. Starting with something smaller or your finger allows the body to relax and get used to being penetrated. Many people think this step is just about opening up physically but it’s so much more than that. It’s about getting turned on and preparing your muscles to be comfortable to handle more than you’re used to
As one of our readers, Jenny S. from Tampa, Florida wrote me in an email: “I found using my smaller vibrator first was the perfect way to relax before moving up to something bigger. It made the whole experience so much less scary.” Jenny completely hits the nail on the head with that statement.
Safety Tips and Pelvic Floor Considerations
Before you start take a moment to think about safety. If you’re using your fingers for the warm-up phase make sure your fingernails are trimmed so you don’t scratch yourself. Some people prefer to wear gloves to help prevent any accidental discomfort. Also, do some gentle pelvic floor exercises beforehand to help your body relax. This will also help strengthen your muscles over time so you can enjoy bigger dildos without strain. Plus it will help with your overall sexual health, too.
Lube, Lube, and then more Lube!
Lube is your best friend when using a big dildo. Not just any lubricant though. You’ll want a high-quality product that matches your body. For silicone products use a water-based lube, for other materials you can use a silicone-based lube. Use plenty and don’t be shy about reapplying. Think of lube as the “grease” that keeps everything running smoothly. Without it, you’re just making things harder for yourself.
A bit of humor to wrap things up: “Adding enough lube is like oiling a door hinge. It keeps things from squeaking, sticking, or causing drama” our long-time reader Tom P. told me.
We have a comprehensive lube guide in case you want to learn more about this topic.
Get into Position
Position matters. A lot. The easiest dildo position will depend on your body and your comfort level but some are more beginner-friendly. The “side-lying” position where you lay on your side with one leg lifted slightly is a popular choice because you can control the depth and angle of penetration easily. Others prefer being on their back with their knees bent or squatting to let gravity help out. Try out different ones to see what works for you.
The Insertion Phase: Go Slow and Breathe
Take a deep breath (I mean that literally). Slow, deep breathing will help your body relax. When you’re ready, start with the tip of the dildo and gently push it against your entrance. If you feel resistance don’t force it. Instead, try circling the tip around the opening and let your body get used to the sensation before attempting a deeper insertion.
One thing to keep in mind is that taking a big dildo is not a race. Speed is not your friend here (in fact, it will be your worst enemy). Think of it like savoring your favorite meal; you want to enjoy each bite not just gobble it down. Slowly guide the sex toy in and give yourself permission to stop and adjust if you need to. The goal is to make each inch feel good. If something feels off don’t hesitate to pause for a bit.
Listen to Your Body
Keep a close ear to your body as you go along. Discomfort can happen but there’s a difference between a little stretching and actual pain. If you start to feel just a little pain stop immediately. No exceptions. This is not the time to grit your teeth and push through. Take a break, go back to smaller toys, or add more lube. Sometimes changing positions or angles can make all the difference. Experiment!
Adding Vibrations for Extra Pleasure
For those who want to take it to the next level can add a vibrator to enhance the experience even further. The vibrations will help your muscles relax and get you more aroused so you can insert the dildo without discomfort. Place the vibrator near your entrance or against the shaft of the dildo to feel the buzz in all the right places. Yummy!
Going All the Way In
Once you’re halfway in it’s a bit easier. It’s like climbing the first part of a hill where after that it’s all downhill. Keep breathing deep and if the dildo is textured try twisting or gently rocking it. This will give you different sensations and help you get used to the girth without feeling overwhelmed.
Here’s what our reader Ava L. from California wrote me in an email: “When I was halfway there I thought, ‘That’s it’ but I tried just a little more while breathing deep and it was totally worth it.”
Communication for Partner Play
If you’re doing this with a partner clear communication is key. Make sure your partner knows your comfort levels and when to slow down, stop, or add more lube. Use verbal or non-verbal cues to communicate how you’re feeling during the experience. Remember you are in control and they are there to enhance your comfort not push you past your limits.
Don’t Forget Aftercare
Once you’re done, don’t just jump up and go about your day. Instead, give yourself some time to relax, hydrate, and clean your dildo. Your muscles will appreciate a gentle massage or even a warm bath if you have time. This is all about unwinding and taking care of your body after an intense session.
Aftercare is actually both physical and emotional. You just put your body through something that’s not routine so give yourself a moment to enjoy the afterglow or even just think about how it felt. Use a cooling gel to soothe any remaining sensitivity or do some light stretching to help the muscles relax. You’re worth it!
Final Thoughts
There’s no one way to enjoy a large dildo. Some people take longer to get used to it and that’s fine and dandy. The goal is your comfort and pleasure so don’t compare yourself to others. Go at your own pace and enjoy the ride. Every journey is different so experiment and find what works for you. Relax, breathe, and most importantly enjoy.
Rachel
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