How’s It Like Working in a Sex Toy Store?

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Outside a sex toy storeMost people don’t dream of growing up and working in a sex toy store (teenage “dreams” notwithstanding), but someone has to! And for a short time in my young adulthood, it was me. I’ve always had an interest in sex toys, and my landlord had an interest in getting rent checks, so it felt like a good choice.

And it was, in ways that I didn’t entirely expect. I learned a lot about sex toys and the sex toy industry, of course, but I also got to learn about people’s most intimate lives. When we created My Sex Toy Guide, I knew exactly who I was writing for because I’d met them in the store.

The First-Day Jitters

The first day on the job, I didn’t know what to expect. I’d shopped at adult stores before, but never really thought about what it was like on the other side of the register. Other retail jobs had not felt so intensely personal — socks and kitchen gadgets don’t have the same impact as vibrators and masturbators!

I spent the first few days observing people as they entered the store. Some folks were easy and confident. Some were over-confident. Some looked like they were afraid that they’d run into their grandmother and/or their pastor. It became clear to me that this job was much more than just answering questions about the products; I needed to help people feel comfortable enough to ask the questions in the first place.

 

Breaking the Ice

I learned pretty quickly that the best way to get people to open up is humor. It’s awkward to ask a stranger what size dildo they like and whether they have a color preference. But acknowledging the awkwardness lets us share a laugh at the absurdity of the situation, and that breaks the ice. Once we’ve started to relate as human beings, they are much more willing to ask what they really want to know.

I got to know my “regulars.” Most of them knew what they were looking for, and if they had any questions, they were usually about price or technical specs (“this says ‘waterproof,’ but is it fully submersible or just splashproof?”). They knew what worked for them and weren’t looking for approval or even recommendations. Most of them were friendly, but it was very much a business transaction.

And then there were folks who were new to the store, and many of them new to sex toys as a whole. They would start off hesitant and embarrassed. I tried hard to put them at ease and let them know that I’m not judging them for coming into the store; after all, I’m here 40 hours a week! They really needed us to help normalize using sex toys and even talking about them.

 

The Questions You Didn’t Expect

A lot of customers’ questions were pretty much what I expected. In some ways, selling sex toys wasn’t all that different from selling socks or kitchen gadgets. People still wanted to know, what is this made of? Does it come with a warranty? I’ve never heard of this brand, is it new? Do you have it in black?

But then, some of the concerns were definitely specific to sex toys. Will it make me lose sensitivity? Can I use it in the shower or the pool? One of the questions that I was asked the most was, what’s the quietest vibrator that you’ve got? A lot of people live with family or roommates, and this is a big concern for them. I mean, it makes sense! But I was still surprised at how many people asked this. It made such an impression that today, we consider volume in most of our vibrator reviews.

Of course, I did my best to answer all the questions my customers asked, and even some that they didn’t ask. Couples would come in together trying to spice up their relationships, or people (of all ages!) who were new to toys were trying to figure out where to start. These folks didn’t just need to know about silicone vs. TPE. They needed empathy, understanding, and acceptance. Sex toys aren’t just personal electronics; they are a way for people to explore their sexuality.

 

Behind the Scenes

Since it’s retail, I spent plenty of time in the back room unpacking and organizing lingerie, lube, vibrators, dildos, strokers, and other fun stuff. I got to know the products as well as I knew the customers. I had to learn the brands and categories (most of that I knew already, to be honest), but also how each item worked and how it was different from the competition.

I also got to learn which products would be best for which customers, and that’s where the real education was. I’d been using sex toys for more than a few years when I started working at the store, but like most consumers, I’d really only thought about what I liked and what worked best for me (and my partners). It was interesting to expand my horizons and learn about toys — and kinks — that I had absolutely no personal interest in.

 

The Learning Curve and Skills

The most valuable thing I learned working in the sex toy store (besides how to stack lifelike dildos, which are not shaped in a way that encourages stacking) was how to understand and even anticipate my customers’ wants without stereotyping them. Not all gay men want to be anally penetrated, and purple hair and black clothes don’t automatically signal BDSM.

I had to learn to actually listen to what people were saying as well as what they were not saying. This is a skill that I’ve tried to carry with me ever since, and sometimes it makes me smile to myself knowing that it’s a skill that was honed through peddling pocket pussies and prostate massagers.

 

The People You Meet

The people were the most important part of the job. Even back in the day, you could buy sex toys discreetly from catalogs and websites, so people who came into the store usually either had questions or needed reassurance (even if they would never admit it). It was our job to respond to both.

My favorite customers were the folks who were open-minded and interested in learning what would work best for them (and their partners). I really appreciated it when people with penises were not intimidated by the thought of their partner enjoying a dildo much larger than what they were working with, for instance. And yes, I was sometimes very pleasantly surprised when people who looked all buttoned-up demonstrated that they were willing and able to let loose behind bedroom doors.

I learned that all sorts of people enjoyed sex toys, from couples celebrating their fortieth anniversary to newly minted adults enjoying their first apartment (privacy!) to folks of all ages and genders exploring previously hidden aspects of their sexuality. This is also something that I’ve brought with me to My Sex Toy Guide: we’re not just writing about what we like but what we hope our audience will like.

 

Community and Teamwork

The people I worked with were all part of this! The staff was as diverse as the clientele, and that also helped me learn about different identities, sexualities, and expressions. The best sex toy shops (and blogs!) strive for representation. This isn’t because all lesbians like the same vibrators; it’s because a just-came-out (or not-yet-out) lesbian might want to talk vibrators with another lesbian.

 

A Learning Experience

Working in a sex toy store taught me a lot about sex toys and the sex toy industry, but even more about people. I learned that people have all sorts of reasons for buying sex toys, and I learned to listen to what they wanted.

And really, that’s what matters. We do spend a lot of time here discussing the minute details of sex toys, because that’s our job, but what’s important is how this minutiae helps people make choices about what they want to buy and how they want to use it. That’s why we’re here.

Happy vibing!

Tim

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