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Foreplay is the appetizer to the main course but is too often rushed or ignored. I’ve spent over 10 years studying how couples can connect more deeply and I can tell you that it isn’t just a warm-up – it’s an experience in and of itself. It sets the stage for trust, excitement, and deeper intimacy – it’s one of the most powerful tools in your relationship toolbox.
Let’s get into 10 foreplay ideas to bring some extra spark this year. Along the way, I’ll share insights from readers who’ve tried these tips and had some ah-ha moments. Plus we’ll talk about how to incorporate sex toys into your foreplay routine for some extra variety and fun.
1. Start Outside the Bedroom
Let’s start with the most important point: foreplay doesn’t necessarily have to start with a touch or a kiss. Sometimes it’s about building anticipation all day long. For example, a flirty text, a whispered secret, or a brush of the hand can get the fire started. Try sending playful messages describing what you’d like to do later or teasing your partner with a photo of your favorite sex toy.
Our long-time reader Sandra shared, “I started leaving little notes in my husband’s wallet or car, telling him exactly what I wanted to do to him later. By the time we got to the bedroom, the chemistry was off the charts!”
Pro tip: If you’re feeling adventurous use a remote-controlled vibrator on a date night to add an extra surprise. Apps like We-Vibe or Lovense let you control the intensity from across the room and keep the anticipation hot.
2. Try New Senses
Taste, smell, and even sound play a part. Use chocolate, strawberries, or a dollop of flavored lube to tantalize your partner’s taste buds. Blindfolds can heighten sensations and turn a normal moment into something extraordinary (more on sensory play here).
You can also try a playlist for the mood you want to create—whether it’s sultry and slow or upbeat and playful. Reader Marcus shared, “We turned off the lights, lit one candle, and took turns guessing what we were feeding each other. It was intimate and funny at the same time!”
Bonus: Use scented massage oils or pheromone sprays to engage another sense—smell. The right scent can set the tone for the night and make your partner feel like they’re the only one in the world. Yummy!
3. Compliments are Key
Praising your partner is an underutilized form of foreplay. Tell them how sexy they look, how much you love their laugh, or how their touch makes you feel alive. Words have power and using them to build your partner’s confidence can create a deeper connection.
If you want to take this to the next level, turn these compliments into actions. Tell your partner why a specific body part turns you on then focus on it during foreplay. If your partner loves affirmations, whisper them while you’re exploring their body with a feather tickler or a light vibrating wand.
4. Play Together
Foreplay can be fun and playful. Games like “truth or dare” or rolling dice to decide what to do next can be creative. Try a foreplay dice set or a sexy card game for structure with a twist.
A couple I know, Alex and Jamie, shared their favorite: “We write down our fantasies on slips of paper and draw one to do. It keeps things exciting and unpredictable.” If you’re not sure where to start, online games or apps with questions for couples can be a great source of inspiration.
Add a small bet to the game and it gets even more exciting. The winner gets to choose the next toy to use or who gets to be in control.
5. Go Back to Your Firsts
Remember your first kiss? Or the first time you held hands? Recreating those moments can be super romantic. Or reader Sam shared, “We went back to the coffee shop where we had our first date and kissed in the exact same spot. It was cheesy but it worked!”
Firsts have a kind of magic to them so why not take the idea and apply it to trying something completely new together? Go to a store and pick out an adult toy you’ve never tried before or try a type of sensation play you’ve both been curious about. Trying a new first can be just as exciting as reliving an old one.
6. Use Technology (Yes, Really)
If you’re in a long-distance relationship or just want to shake things up, consider apps or remote-controlled toys. These devices make it easier than ever to stay connected even when you’re apart.
For example, me and my partner used a Lovense couple set while I was on a work trip and it brought us closer, literally and emotionally. Technology isn’t just practical, it can be your partner in keeping things exciting. Virtual reality games or apps for couples can add a futuristic spin to your foreplay routine. Isn’t the future amazing?
7. Take the Massage Further
Massages are a classic but there’s a difference between a quick shoulder rub and one that’s intentional and intimate. We are talking about warming oil, focusing on areas of tension, and taking your time.
You can also add a vibrating massage tool or textured glove and it gets even better. One client, Carla shared, “My partner massaged me for 30 minutes without expecting anything in return. It was the most intimate we’d felt in weeks.”
Pro tip: Don’t stop at the back—explore arms, legs, and even hands and feet for a full-body sensory experience. Thank me later.
8. Add Humor to the Mix
Foreplay doesn’t have to be serious. A little humor can relax you and make intimacy feel natural. One couple we spoke with shared, “We made up a ridiculous ‘sexy dance’ routine one night and it ended in the best sex and laughter we’d had in ages.”
Laughter creates a bond and makes the transition to deeper intimacy feel effortless. Why not try a silly roleplay scenario or a playful “argument” over who gets to control the remote-controlled vibrator?
9. Try Roleplay
Roleplay isn’t just for costumes and scripts. Sometimes it’s about stepping into a different dynamic. Pretend to meet each other for the first time or play out a fantasy you’ve never discussed before.
Reader Nina shared, “I pretended to be a stranger at a bar and my husband came to ‘pick me up’. It was fun to see him play along and flirt with me as if we’d just met!” Add a prop like a blindfold or handcuffs to bring your roleplay to life and make it even more exciting.
10. Slow It Down
Sometimes the best foreplay is just taking your time. Tease each other. Kiss slowly, touch deliberately, and savor every moment. Reader Jacob said, “We decided to see how long we could kiss without doing anything else. It felt electric and it completely changed the mood of the night.”
Slowing down doesn’t mean simplifying—use different textures, temperatures, or rhythms to add variety. Ice cubes, feathers, or temperature-sensitive toys can add an extra layer to the experience.
Final Thoughts
Foreplay isn’t about doing everything right—it’s about connecting with your partner in ways that make both of you feel loved and desired. Whether it’s through laughter, a massage, or just slowing down, these tips are all about exploration and intimacy.
Try one of these foreplay tips this week and see what happens. Have you already tried something that took your sexy game to the next level? Tell us in the comments!
Rachel
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