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Hi, I’m Sandra Larson. As the co-founder of this site and a professional sex toy tester for over a decade, I’ve experienced and evaluated everything from thrusting sex machines to AI-enabled personal electronics to intimidatingly immense dildos — but today, I’m here to talk about some classic low-tech (no-tech, actually) fun. Dry humping it is!
What Is Dry Humping?
“Dry humping” is when two people grind their clothed pelvises against each other, but because clothes stay on, there is no penetration. If this sounds like high school to you, you’re not alone! Most of us probably discovered this when we were young and eager. More accurately, with the arrogance of youth, we probably thought that we discovered it, but folks have known for quite some time that this feels good.
- “Bundling” was a recognized part of courtship in Puritan New England.
- Queesten, in the Netherlands, was “the singular custom of wooing by which… the lover, lying or sitting outside the covering, woos the girl who is underneath.”
- Houlyenka, or night courting, where clothes stayed on and virginity was preserved, was practiced in 18th– and 19th-century Ukraine.
- And in early modern southern Germany, Fenstreln was a “communally accepted framework for ways of expressing desire, in which a woman did not risk pregnancy.”
Like many other things in life, this is worth revisiting with an adult perspective, adult experience, and adult luxuries like your own bed in your own house.
What Makes Dry Humping Hot?
So, back to the adult thing — most of us have probably had plenty of sex of various kinds in our lives. Why would we want to go back to what we did when we couldn’t or didn’t want to actually have sexual intercourse?
It was exciting then and it’s exciting now. Dry humping produces friction and pressure in the right places, and it feels more like a whole-body experience than highly targeted stimulation (which, obviously, we are not knocking at all). Your bodies are moving in sync in an almost primal way. And if you and your partner have agreed in advance that dry humping is the special of the day, you’re building up tension and working together for the release.
Let’s Do It
As with most sex acts, there are a few ways to do it “wrong” (and those have to do with safety and consent) but a whole lot of different ways to do it right. Our research team has compiled some ideas to get you started.
1. Start Slow and Build Up
A great precursor to dry humping is kissing and petting. Dry humping is most fun when you’ve already worked yourselves up and you’re pressing against each other in search of mutual release. Spend some time making out, touching, teasing, and building arousal. (Also, dry humping is just awkward and a little uncomfortable if you’re not already turned on.)
2. Dress for Success
And what that means is up to you! But since dry humping happens with clothes on, what you are wearing is part of the experience.
If you are dry humping with a person with a penis, you may enjoy feeling an erection pushing against snug-fitting jeans, or you might appreciate seeing how grey sweatpants drape over it. And if you are engaging with a person with a vulva, soft leggings help you position yourselves optimally. Silky pajama bottoms feel great for all genders.
3. Try Different Positions
Dry humping works best when the important parts are aligned, so what works best depends on your personal anatomy and how it meshes with your partner’s anatomy. Some positions offer more pressure and friction, and some are better for gentle intimacy. Missionary position is the classic, but there are plenty of other ways to play!
You can also simulate cowgirl (receiving partner on top) or reverse cowgirl positions. One partner can sit on a chair and the other partner can straddle them. You can also lie down facing each other, which is great for kissing.
4. Communicate
When you are having sex and you are both naked, you can get a lot of feedback from your partner’s body. If you’re both clothed, you need to rely on verbal and non-verbal cues. This is not a bad thing! It’s actually a great exercise in communicating your wants to your partner and listening to theirs.
5. Control the Pressure
Too much pressure, especially when you’re wearing hard clothes and before you’ve gotten really turned on, can just be too much. We advised starting slow, and this is one aspect of that. Begin by gently pressing your bodies together, check in with each other and let each other know when you’re ready to ramp it up a bit, and have fun experimenting until you find the rhythm that works for both of you.
6. Use Your Hands and Mouth
The basic definition of dry humping focuses on the pants parts, but that’s no reason to ignore the rest of your bodies. You can make this a full-body sensual experience by kissing, touching, and petting each other’s faces and bodies. You can also use your hands to help position each other and pull in for more pressure when you need it. Your mouth is obviously good for kissing, but you can also use your words to add to the experience with some dirty talk too.
Other Considerations and Final Thoughts
Dry humping is safe sex. This is especially important if you are with a new partner and haven’t yet discussed contraception (if necessary) or disease prevention/status. Since clothes stay on and there is no exchange of bodily fluids, you can indulge freely and safely. And even in established relationships, there may be times when intercourse is not an option; dry humping is a great way to maintain intimacy and spice things up a bit.
Listen. We are My Sex Toy Guide. We put a lot of effort into reporting on the latest and greatest in vibrators, prostate massagers, and pleasure tech. And we do it well, if we do say so ourselves. But we also recognize that there’s something special about going back to the very basics sometimes.
It can also be fun to relive your youth for a night. Take yourself and your partner out to dinner and a movie, then back home to make out and dry hump — but then you can sleep peacefully in your own bed instead of trying to sneak in after curfew.
Happy humping!
Sandra
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