So you came across the term ruined orgasm and got you curious? Although it might seem puzzling at first, (could it be more frustrating than fun?), many folks actually enjoy it! But what is it really? Sandra Larson, the resident sexologist in our team, will explain everything you need to know about what is a ruined orgasm, how to do it, and why some people find the humiliation exhilarating. Without wasting any time, let’s get straight into it:
A ruined orgasm is a sexual activity where the stimulation gets interrupted, messed with, or toned down at the right moment before an orgasm. The whole idea is that the instant rush of pleasure gets swapped out for feelings of frustration or maybe even a sense of humiliation. For some, the ruined orgasm feels surprisingly exciting! It’s really about power play, where the submissive partner lets the dominant take the reins on controlling the timing and nature of the orgasm. It’s a unique blend of psychological and physical sensations.
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What is a Ruined Orgasm?
A ruined orgasm is a sexual technique you can do during any sex play or oral sex, where the individual is brought to the brink of climax, only to have the pleasure abruptly halted or “ruined” before reaching full release.
Imagine this scenario: You’re getting all hot and steamy, and just when you think you’re about to ejaculate, someone (or something) steps in and stops all the action. It’s like hitting the brakes on a rollercoaster right before the big drop. You still get that powerful buildup, but you don’t get the climax that you were expecting. When you go through a ruined orgasm, it’s like you’re on track for this incredible, top-notch big-O, but then it turns out to be way less intense than you expected. It can be less powerful or have no feeling at all.
Just to clear things up a ruined orgasm is different from a forced orgasm. Ruined orgasms slow things down when you’re close to climax, leaving you wanting more. Forced orgasms turn up the pleasure, giving you multiple orgasms in a row without a come-down period for each climax [1].
How Does Ruined Orgasm Feel Like?
The feeling of a ruined orgasm can be deeply pleasurable for some while causing minimal pleasure for others. When you experience a ruined orgasm, you may feel a build-up of sexual tension inside your body, leading to a pleasurable release. However, the physical pleasure is often not as intense as a good orgasm. It’s like the orgasm is there, but it’s not quite there. It’s like blue balls but with a bit of physical release.
You can also say that ruined orgasms are a unique mix of pain and pleasure. It’s trying to build up sexual tension but not going all the way to a full-blown orgasm. Plus, there’s this interesting twist where you can sense that same tension in your partner, which adds to the whole sexual experience.
Why Do People Want To Have A Ruined Orgasm?
For some people, a ruined orgasm is all about the tease and denial aspect. They get off on the power play of controlling the sexual stimulation of their submissive. For others, it’s just a different way to play with orgasm control. And for some, ruining someone’s orgasm adds excitement to humiliation play. You might think, “Isn’t the grand finale of sex supposed to be the orgasm?”. But like in many sex acts, it’s not always about reaching that traditional peak. Here are some popular reasons why people do it:
Power Dynamics and Control
Probably the most common reason is it’s a way to play with power dynamics and control. In the BDSM community, the sub might be instructed to masturbate until they’re on the brink of orgasm, and then the dom might stop stimulation, ruining the sub’s orgasm. This can be a way for the sub to give up control and surrender to their dom, while the dom gets to exercise their power over the sub’s pleasure.
Consent and Communication
Aside from the obvious BDSM play involved, another reason why people might be interested in ruined orgasms is that they can be a fun way to explore consent and communication. When you’re thinking about trying out various sexual activities, it’s super important to set some clear rules first. You and your partner should talk about your boundaries – what you’re okay with and what’s off-limits, especially if you experience pain and discomfort. And don’t forget to pick a safe word. It’s like a stop button to ensure everyone stays safe and consents to what’s happening. By discussing the possibility of ruined orgasms beforehand, both partners can ensure that they’re on the same page and that everyone’s needs and desires are being met.
Ruined orgasms are only one of many kinks that you and your partner can try. If you want the full list, here’s our guide on the common kinks for guys.
How To Have A Ruined Orgasm?
Doing it Yourself: Doing it yourself is a bit trickier than with a partner, but it’s doable. The trick is to find that point of intense sensation right before an orgasm begins- then stop all stimulation for a few seconds, long enough to spoil the orgasm. It’s important to know that this can be a bit difficult to master, and it might take a few tries to get it right. But don’t worry, practice makes perfect!
Doing It To Your Partner: First, you need to start by stimulating your submissive partner’s body in a way that they enjoy. This could be through masturbating, teasing, or any other method that gets them closer to ejaculation. Once an orgasm is about to happen, you’ll want to completely stop all stimulations. This will disrupt the climax and prevent them from ejaculating.
To maximize the sensation you give to your partner and bring him to the edge faster, here’s a spicy guide on how to suck your partner’s penis.
Ruin Orgasms Using Sex Toys: First, choose the right sex toy. You’re looking for something that ramps up the excitement but can also be switched off in a flash. A vibrating cock ring or a wand vibrator are great options for delivering a ruined orgasm. Then, bring your partner close to the edge of climax. You want them to feel like they’re about to orgasm, but not quite there yet. Once they’re at that point, start using the sex toy. Apply deep stimulation to the penis or clitoris, but then stop suddenly.
Note: The key is to stop the arousal temporarily right before they reach the point of no return. This way, they won’t quite reach orgasm but still feel a powerful rush of feeling.
Are There Any Risks Involved With Ruined Orgasms?
The short answer is no. Ruined orgasms are a safe and consensual way to explore your sexuality. However, as with any sexual activity, there are some things to keep in mind.
Firstly, it’s important to communicate with your partner and establish boundaries. Make sure you both understand what is and isn’t okay. You don’t want to accidentally cross a line and ruin the mood while giving one partner a ruined orgasm. You can read more on this topic in this study that claims a bad orgasm can negatively impact your relationship and even your sexuality. Secondly, be aware of your body’s limits. Ruined orgasms can be powerful, so make sure you’re comfortable with the level of stimulation.
I also think there are a lot of benefits. They can be a cool new twist to try out in your sex life as they’re all about bringing in a bit of unexpected twist and ramping up the excitement. The most important thing? Always chat with your partner and stay in tune with each other’s feelings – it’s the secret sauce to making sure you both have a good time. Listen to your body too, to keep things enjoyable and safe.
Edging vs. Ruined Orgasms?
You’ve heard of edging or cum control, right? That’s when you get yourself (or your partner) right up to the moment of no return, then back off, and the stimulation continues. And again. And again. Until you finally have that super-satisfying orgasm. A ruined orgasm is kind of like that, but instead of backing off at the last minute, you go ahead and ruin it. Hence the name.
Thanks for reading my guide on what is a ruined orgasm and how to do it!
Sandra
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