What Is Impact Play? How To Safely Explore A Spanking Fetish

A man holding a whip

Every conversation in the room hushed to a whisper and ceased as the seductive redhead in leather entered the stage. She was followed by a man holding several belts and whips, and he took his time looking her up and down before selecting the correct impact play toys for the moment.

I had never been to a BDSM event before, and I was intrigued by the erotic energy in the room. The man went on to consensually spank, whip, and flog this woman until she was on the brink of orgasm. This experience opened my mind to the association between pleasure and pain.


What Is Impact Play?

Impact play is a sexual activity where one person enjoys experiencing contact or impact by another person for sexual gratification [1]. For example, impact play can involve whipping, spanking, flogging spanking, electrocution, or having or dripping hot wax on a person. We often think impact play involves extreme pain, but lightly smacking your partner’s butt during intercourse or softly grabbing their neck to pull them in for a kiss is impact play.

You can use impact play as foreplay before genital stimulation, during penetration or genital play, or as a stand-alone act.

Since the popularity of movies such as 50 Shades of Grey, people have become more familiar with impact play. Unfortunately, the popularity of such films has also led to many misconceptions about what impact play entails. Unlike in 50 Shades, in healthy relationships, both partners have equal power in the dynamic.

A man holding a whip

If anything, the person receiving the impact has more power to create a scene they find arousing.

Although we often hear about a heterosexual and gendered dynamic where a man consensually engages in impact play with a woman, in reality, folks of all genders and sexualities can enjoy being both dominant and submissive.

Impact play often explores a larger dynamic of dominance and submission role play within a relationship. And there are many ways to play with power, including orgasm control, name-calling, and giving commands. Many folks combine these pleasures and engage in impact play while being dominant in other ways.

For example, by getting someone to the brink of orgasm and then spanking them and making them beg to cum. Or calling someone a bad boy and dirty slut while spanking them.

 


Safety Considerations

You must be strategic regarding which target area you’re putting physical pressure on someone:

  1. In general, meatier areas such as butts, legs, and upper thighs can handle more force. Even breasts and genitals can take a little pressure if someone enjoys that.
  2. The area you want to avoid is your spine, as you can easily push a bone out of place. You should also avoid all areas connected to the spine, including the belly, just above the butt and the neck. Also, avoid the head (lots of important stuff up there!), the ears, and the feet.

Sadly, I have a friend who has a herniated disk in her spine from engaging in a flogging session with someone who was a newbie and did not know his power!

A man spanking a woman's butt

It’s best to discuss boundaries and desires with your partner. It’s the person receiving the impact who has the power to create a scene that’s enjoyable for them.

Therefore, before beginning a scene, it’s important to discuss if any areas are off-limits and create a method to communicate during the scene to ensure you use the correct amount of pressure.

Create a Safeword

Many folks may create a safe word if the sensation becomes too intense. You can also create a safety signal, as sometimes speaking is difficult during a scene due to sensation overload. The signal could be snapping your fingers or doing something with your face.

I highly recommend you start slow and work up in intensity. You can have a numeric system as safe words, where if 10 is the most sensation someone would want to take, the receiver can show what level they are at with their fingers throughout the scene.

You can also create a red, yellow, and green system. Once a partner says yellow, it’s time to slow down the sensation. If a partner says red, stop the impact immediately.

There’s no going back once physical or psychological damage happens, so being careful and communicating throughout a scene is imperative.

Questions you could ask:

  • What excites you about BDSM impact play?
  • Are there any human body parts you particularly want to enjoy feeling sensation?
  • What type of sensation do you prefer?
  • Are any areas off-limits? What are your favorite tools for pleasure?
  • Do you enjoy genital stimulation during a scene, or do you prefer just physical impact?
  • Do you have any medical issues I should be aware of?
  • Or do you prefer a lot of talking during a scene or a quiet vibe?

 


Aftercare

After any sexual interaction, either partner may need aftercare. I still remember how annoyed I used to be when my partner looked at his phone four minutes after being inside me.

  • Aftercare involves giving both partners what they need to decompress after a sexual encounter. For many folks, it may be cuddling; for others, it can be having a moment alone to refresh.
  • At some point after an impact scene, you should engage in a debrief of the interaction. What were your favorite moments? What could you have done differently? How do both parties feel?
  • When there is heavy impact play, aftercare may also involve icing sore areas, tending wounds, and doing anything else the person needs, such as eating, drinking, or going to the bathroom.

 


Is it Healthy?

There’s a stigma around engaging in impact play kink, with some folks arguing that perhaps it’s unhealthy to be aroused by pain.

However, research shows that folks who enjoy impact kink are not more unhappy or anxious than folks not interested in this type of play. They are also not more likely to be sexually coerced into playing.

In addition, folks who enjoy impact play tend to be incredibly competent communicators who know what they want to ensure safety, consent, and pleasure throughout an encounter.

 


Why do Folks Enjoy Impact Play?

Those who have not played around with impact play in their sex life may find it challenging to understand what is erotic about causing another person pain using a riding crop or flat palm. But, interestingly, pain and pleasure are more alike than one might think.

Both sexual pleasure and pain activate similar neural mechanisms in the brain, including dopamine and the opioid system. These neurotransmitters are involved in rewarding-seeking behaviors such as eating, drinking, and sex.

That means that the sensation just before you receive impact causes a similar rush to the moment before someone penetrates you or pleasures you in another way.

A man holding a riding crop

When you pair pain with feelings of arousal, excitement, or the safety of being with a trusted partner, the sensation of pain lowers, and the pain may add to the excitement. Getting spanked during sex can be very exciting, but scraping your knee does not cause that same rush.

However, there’s undoubtedly a feeling of connection and shared experience among folks who enjoy BDSM pain play. For example, a study found that partners who engaged in impact play felt particularly connected and experienced increased emotional trust after a scene.

Flog sex can also be exciting because the pain can help folks remain present in the moment. It’s a powerful way to turn off that internal dialogue and be in your body.

Research has found that folks who engage in impact play report that their practice helps them release stress, relax, and escape their worries and routines. Trust me; it’s tough to go through your to-do list for the day when someone is spanking the shit out of you!

 


How Common is Impact Play?

Research has shown that at least 50% of folks are interested in impact play, with spanking being the most common fantasy. The gender and category breakdown is as follows:

  • 21% of women and 22% of men said they have either tied up a partner or a partner has tied them up during sex.
  • 14% of women and 16% of men said they had whipped a partner or a partner had whipped them before.
  • 34% of women and 30% of men said they had engaged in some form of spanking before.
  • 3% of women and 4% of men have either been to a BDSM party or a dungeon before.

Interestingly, among this fetish, many more folks are interested in exploring spanking fetish at some point than those who have experienced it.

The data shows that impact play is among the more common fetishes. This makes sense because pain is pleasurable when experienced in the proper setting.

However, exploring impact play requires solid communication skills, assessing verbal and nonverbal skills, and methods to ensure sustained and informed consent.

Happy Spankin’!

Niki

PS, please read my fetish guide for more information about fetishes.

Niki Davis-Fainbloom
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