I remember when I started smoking around the age of sixteen, and I felt like the sexiest person in the world. I wore my super-grown-up red dress and pink lipstick, put on the song Filthy Gorgeous by the Scissor Sisters, and walked down the street smoking cigarettes.
Perhaps my feelings of empowerment while smoking came from watching old movies with beautiful women smoking long, elegant cigarettes. Or maybe the sexualization of smoking is due to its proximity to the mouth. You know, the same mouth you kiss and give pleasure with.
Regardless, it’s no surprise some folks derive sexual pleasure from watching others smoke.
A smoke sex fetish is pretty common, but because of health reasons, it’s not often talked about. So, let’s define what it is and how you can safely explore it with your partner.
Table Of Contents
What Is A Smoking Fetish?
A smoking fetish, otherwise known as capnolagnia, can take many forms. Most folks with smoking fetishism are turned on by watching others smoke or, upon occasion, turned on by smoking themselves. They often have sexual fantasies about watching people smoke and desire to watch people smoke in various situations. In addition, they are usually interested in incorporating cigarettes into their sexual interactions. For example, have their partner smoke during oral sex or intercourse [1].
I first came in contact with this fetish when a stranger on Tinder asked if he could send me $100 to take some photos of me smoking. Although I decided not to take the deal, I was curious and asked him why he was so into people smoking.
He said he loved watching innocent girls (which I guess he thought I was?) being bad, and he thought cigarette smoking was the ultimate bad girl move. He enjoyed watching girls wear red lipstick, lick their lips, and slowly blow smoke into his face.
Although he was unsure where his smoker’s fetish came from, he mentioned having this desire his whole life. In addition, he had a particular infinity for oral sex and anything involving the mouth and lips, and enjoying smoking was a natural extension of that.
Some people who are into BDSM may engage in a more extreme version. And I even heard stories about people desiring to be a human ashtray [2]. For example, their dominant partner tells them to swallow ash, have smoke blown in their face, and even put a cigarette out on their arms. This is one way to explore consensual humiliation (masochism) for smoking fetish people, albeit potentially dangerous if not explored safely.
Finally, there’s a branch of this fetish called “black lung fetish.” [3] It’s a more extreme form, and those folks are turned on by the injuries caused by nicotine addiction, such as lung damage.
Why Do Folks Develop A Smoking Fetish?
As with any fetish, it’s hard to know what circumstances came into place to make one particularly turned on by smoking during sex. The desire may have to do with the smell of smoke, the aesthetic of the cigarette, or its proximity to the mouth. It may also have to do with associations they have experienced during their early childhood experiences [4].
- I know someone who had his first sexual experience with an older woman when he was 16. Her place reeked of cigarettes, and after he had his first partnered orgasm, they smoked together. Although I am unsure if his current desire towards cigarette smoking would quite reach the level of a fetish, it has led him to be attracted to smokers. So often, these childhood and young adulthood experiences shape our sexual development and may impact our desires for the rest of our lives.
- I don’t love quoting Freud, but he would say a smoking fetish develops when children get stuck in the oral stage of development. Although I don’t believe people who enjoy smoking are necessarily “stuck” or there’s anything wrong with this fetish, I see the connection to an oral fixation. Some folks who develop this fetish may have had an early childhood experience relating to the mouth. And they are now turned on by watching the mouth in action.
- For others, the fetish may have developed, at least in part, from having their first crush be on one of those smokin’ hot smokers featured in a classic movie. Viewing someone you find sexy in a film during an impressionable period could be enough to develop an association between smoking and sexual arousal.
- For those who grew up in the modern era, instead of smoking being sexualized, society highly condemns it for its health consequences, and it’s less socially acceptable than ever before. However, if I’ve learned one thing about fetishes, we are often turned on by something that feels bad or gross in some ways.
- As I discussed in the article on foot fetishes, when folks experience disgust or discomfort, it can often become sexualized. So, because the medical community revealed the negative health consequences of the cigarette culture, many folks began to think of it as gross and dirty. But since taboo is a huge part of many fetishes, for some, this shift may have increased their desire towards it. As someone mentioned on one of the forums: “Do you think lung cancer is sexy? Perhaps.”
How Common Is A Smoking Fetish?
An article in Health Communication explored the prevalence of smoking YouTube videos and found that of 139,000 smoking videos, 2,220 videos were about smoking fetishes. The number of smoking fetish videos was even higher than the number of antismoking videos, showing that this fetish may be relatively common.
In addition, there are also tons of online communities for people with a smoking kink, including many Reddit forums and other groups like alt.smokers.glamour and alt.sex.fetish.smokers. In these groups, folks can share stories, pictures, and clips of people eroticizing smoking.
When exploring the content out there, I found that most videos feature women. This is in line with the claim on Wikipedia that most folks with a cigarette smoking fetish are heterosexual men, followed by bisexual men and gay men. However, when exploring the online forum, there are certainly also some women who have a smoking fetish, but it seems like a smaller group.
Is Smoking Fetish Unhealthy?
Every sexual interaction holds some level of risk, and exploring a smoking fetish is no different.
Can smoking kill you? Yes. But the risk level depends on your body. In addition, it depends on what acts you’re engaging in and how much you’re smoking. It’s also contingent on smoking cigarettes or something less harmful like a vape pen or weed.
When exploring Reddit, one person who identified as having a smoke fetish explained:
“My wife and I are open about our fantasies and fetishes. She knows about my smoking fetishes, and she indulged me as a special thing. I would like it every week, but I don’t want her to have any health issues. She also wears an outfit; it’s very hot, and she smokes decently.”
If you’re only indulging upon occasion, some may consider it a reasonable risk, like buying a whole cake and eating it yourself or going skydiving.
How Do You Talk To A Partner About Your Fetish?
A smoking fetish requires tact when talking to a partner, as there are potential health consequences with this lifestyle. For example, if your partner is already a smoker, I might casually mention you find smoking sexy. Ask if they would be open to incorporating it into a sexual scenario.
As always, when talking about a fetish with your partner for the first time, I suggest starting slow.
Perhaps watching smoking fetish videos together or touching your partner as they smoke – before getting into anything too intense. Ensure to create a safe space emotionally and physically by playing around in a fire-safe area where smoking is permitted.
If your partner is a non-smoker, exploring a smoking fetish is a bigger ask. Before bringing it up, I would research a nicotine-free cigarette or vape you could find enjoyable. You don’t want this fetish exploration to lead to a lifetime habit for your partner, so it’s extra important to be 100% on board and believe they will not become addicted to tobacco.
What If My Partner Says No?
If they’re not open to exploring with you, never push them to try something that may hurt them. Instead, perhaps explore smoking sex on your own with porn. Or ask your partner if they would be open to exploring your fetish with another smoking fetishist.
Everyone has their comfort level. And just because someone may not want to explore your fetish doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with your sexual interest. Particularly with the adverse health outcomes, this fetish may be one to enjoy only in particular situations that feel consensual, controlled, and safe.
However, with healthy communication and the right partner, there are ways to get your smokin’ freak on!
Niki
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