Fingering is a nuanced skill that goes beyond having the right technique, but you must do it carefully to avoid hurting your partner. This guide, written by clinical sexologist Rachel Sommer, Ph.D., and her partner Jessica, teaches you how to do it safely and pleasurably. It also gives you a lot of other tips for an unforgettable experience.
- Before starting, trim your nails, wash your hands, and use plenty of lube.
- Use foreplay to build arousal, then explore your partner’s body with a mix of external and internal stimulation, adapting to their responses.
- Vary your finger movements using techniques like the “Come Hither,” “Raking,” and circular motions.
Table Of Contents
1. Safety and Consent
Before any form of intimate contact, you must have an open and honest discussion with your partner about desires, boundaries, and concerns. This conversation should cover:
- Explicit Consent: Both parties must explicitly agree to engage in this specific sex act. Consent is freely given, reversible at any time, informed, enthusiastic, and specific (AKA the FRIES model).
- Boundaries and Limits: Discuss each person’s comfort level and identify things that are not okay. Defining (and respecting) the boundaries is important for a safe and pleasurable experience.
- Safe Words: Define a safe word (like red for stop and yellow to slow down) or signal (drop a ball) that either partner can use if they feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed, or need a break.
2. Trim Fingernails and Wash Hands
Keeping your fingernails short and your hands clean is a important for any sexual activity, especially when engaging in internal stimulation. Regularly trim them so you don’t accidentally scratch your partner’s vaginal wall, which can make them prone to infection.
Even if they are trimmed, I recommend checking for sharp edges that can cause pain to your partner. You can even using gloves for an added layer of hygiene and protection.
3. Use Plenty of Lube
Using different kinds of lube can make the fingering act even more enjoyable. Lube also reduces the risk of micro-tearing in the vaginal walls, which can cause discomfort and infections.
These are the steps I recommend for proper lube application: Apply a generous amount to the fingers before putting them inside your partner. You can also apply it directly to the vulva and vaginal opening. You should also reapply as needed to maintain comfort and pleasure throughout the sex act. Don’t let it become too dry.
There are several types of lubricants available, each with its benefits. Water-based lubricant is the most versatile option. It’s easy to clean and safe to use with all condoms and toys. Silicone-based products last longer and are great for water play, but you can’t use them with silicone sex toys. Oil-based lubricants are also long-lasting but can degrade latex condoms and may suitable for all toys.
The right lubricant depends on your personal preference, the specific sexual activity you engage in, and any allergies. Please read the ingredient label and choose products free from irritants or allergens.
Remember: Lubes shouldn’t only be applied when you’re inserting fingers inside the vagina but also when you are stimulating the clit, located just above the opening of the vagina.
4. Communication
You should begin the sex act by discussing expectations and boundaries. Some good questions are “What areas do you enjoy being touched the most?” or “Is there anything you’re curious to try or absolutely don’t want to do?” That sets the stage for the right expectations.
Good communication must continue during the actual sex act, where both verbal and non-verbal cues are important. I recommend encouraging your partner to give you feedback in simple phrases like “Does this feel good?” or “More or less pressure?” Please pay special attention to your partner’s body language and sounds, as these give great feedback on their enjoyment and comfort levels.
5. Start Slow
Foreplay is key to a fulfilling sexual experience. Not only does it mentally and emotionally prepare the body for sexual activity, but it also increases lubrication and sensitivity, which is necessary for a fulfilling experience.
I recommend starting with non-sexual touching and gradually continuing with more direct stimulation, allowing both partners to fully immerse themselves in the experience. This slow build-up can include kissing, hugging, and even sensual words that focus on building anticipation and desire.
I noticed my partner loved it when I set the right atmosphere, for example, dimming the lights, playing soft music, and lighting some aromatherapy candles. You, too, can make this extra effort to make your fingering session more special.
6. Change the Rhythm and Motion
Diversifying fingering techniques, rhythms, and motions is a great way to tailor the experience to each individual’s unique pleasure preferences. This approach is inclusive of the many ways people enjoy pleasure, encouraging them to find what works best for them and their partners.
- You can use different pressure, speed, and forms of stimulation, such as clitoral or anal play, to significantly enhance the pleasure for both partners.
- Try swirling, tapping, or zig-zag patterns instead of the usual in-and-out motion. These novel movements can stimulate less frequently touched areas, uncovering new sources of pleasure.
- By changing the penetration angle, you can stimulate other areas inside the vaginal canal, including the elusive G-spot and A-spot. You can ask your partner to adjust their hips to help you find the most pleasurable angles.
- You can also use different areas of your hand to introduce unique textures, like the pads of your fingertips, the back of your nails, or even the palm. These small changes can significantly impact your partner’s pleasure.
7. Try Different Positions
Like with penetrative sex, don’t be afraid to experiment with various positions. Some just want their partner to lay still on the bed while fingering, but really, there are other positions you can try to experience all kinds of sensations. Don’t hesitate to try the missionary, doggy-style, and 69 (illustration below), among others.
The key is always to be open-minded and creative. Don’t be shy; otherwise, you’ll never discover which technique or position gives the best fingering experience.
The 5 Best Lesbian Fingering Techniques
1. The “Come Hither” Gesture
The ‘Come Hither’ Technique: An internal stimulation method using curved finger motions on the front vaginal wall, targeting the G-spot area. This technique guarantees, more often than not, a squirting orgasm. So, how do you go about doing it?
It’s easy; just curl your index finger and put it inside your partner. Take note you should curl the finger upwards. Then be gentle as you move them back and forth inside your lover’s vagina. Yummy!
Start with one finger and then increase to two or more based on comfort and preference. Experimenting with the number of fingers alters the sensation and intensity of the experience.
2. Finger Raking
The vaginal wall has many nerve endings, making them sensitive to touch. While most believe that stimulating the clitoris is the key to making us climax, we vagina people know better. Simply put, stimulating the vaginal wall is highly pleasurable.
Remember: The primary purpose of fingering isn’t always to reach orgasm but the incredible sensations that go with it.
3. Two Hands
You know that people have different erogenous spots, which, when stimulated, can cause them to climax. So, to give them the ultimate pleasure, use both hands!
First, use your fingers (on the one hand) to rub the clit while inserting your fingers (on the other hand) to put in and out the vagina.
This lesbian technique is like hitting two birds with one stone!
We all know a clit is super sensitive, but once you also pay attention to the inside of the vagina, well, they will beg you for more.
Pro Tip: If your partner is into anal, you can add some assfingering to the mix!
4. Make Circles With Your Fingers
Another effective lesbian fingering technique is to make circles with your fingers; you can do it both inside and outside the vagina.
Start with a circular motion with your fingers as you stimulate the clitoris. Meanwhile, make circles inside your girlfriend to stimulate the vaginal wall.
Pro Tip: Use lots of lube to avoid hurting your lover.
5. Stimulate the G-Spot
People sometimes talk about having their most erotic orgasms, and one common theme is having their G-spot stimulated.
The G-spot is part of the clitoral network, and trust me, G-spot stimulation should be your focus if you want your partner to climax as fast as possible, like in doing quickies. (And did you know the vagina has many other spots, like the A-spot?)
Pro Tip: You can also stimulate the external parts of the vulva, including the clitoris, labia, and perineum. Each area can provide unique pleasures when touched or massaged.
Aftercare
Aftercare is an important step of any sexual encounter, offering you a moment to connect, reflect, and care for each other’s physical and emotional needs. Everyone should feel valued, respected, and cared for, reinforcing a positive and inclusive sexual experience. Here are two essential things I recommend for the aftercare phase:
- Drink water and comfort your partner with cuddles to reinforce the bond and provide emotional support.
- Identify the enjoyable parts and what could be improved. This communication can deepen intimacy by sharing vulnerabilities and appreciating each other’s efforts to provide pleasure. It can also be a good opportunity to express gratitude and affection, reinforcing the emotional bond between partners.
Addressing Common Concerns
It’s natural to have concerns or questions when exploring a new sexual activity. Here are some common concerns with guidance on how to address them:
- Discomfort or Pain: Stop immediately if you feel any discomfort or pain. Use more lubrication, adjust your technique, or take a break. Listening to your body and clear communication is key.
- Hygiene Worries: Maintaining cleanliness is essential for this sexual activity. Wash your hands thoroughly before and after, and you can even shower together as foreplay. If using sex toys, ensure they are properly cleaned following the manufacturer’s instructions.
- Fear of Doing it Wrong: There’s no right way to give pleasure. What matters is the mutual enjoyment and comfort of both partners. Open communication about likes, dislikes, and comfort levels is crucial. Remember, practice and patience lead to improvement.
- Concerns about Infections: Using clean hands and sex toys reduces all infection risks. If there’s any concern about STI transmissions, consider using latex gloves, especially if you have cuts or abrasions on the hands.
- Anxiety about Reaching Orgasm: It’s better to focus on the journey rather than the destination. Pleasure and intimacy are the primary goals, not just orgasm. Encourage a relaxed atmosphere where you can enjoy the moment without pressure.
Educational Resources
A wealth of educational resources is available to deepen the understanding and skills for women-love-women (WIW) pleasuring. Here are some good sources I found over the years:
- Books: “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner offers insight into the art of pleasuring a woman, emphasizing the importance of clitoral stimulation. “The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus” by Violet Blue provides comprehensive guidance on oral pleasure.
- Online Courses: Websites like OMGyes offer interactive tutorials based on new research into women’s sexual pleasure, offering techniques that improve intimacy and satisfaction.
- Workshops and Webinars: Many sex educators and therapists offer workshops and webinars on sexual health and pleasure techniques. Look for events by reputable professionals that cater to all experience levels.
- Podcasts and Blogs: “Sex With Emily” by Dr. Emily Morse and “Speaking of Sex” by Pleasure Mechanics offer candid discussions and expert advice on a wide range of sexual topics, including how to enhance pleasure for both partners.
Happy orgasming!
Rachel
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