How to Masturbate When You Have Chronic Pain

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A woman with chronic painAs a sexologist I’ve worked with countless people who live with chronic pain and one of the most common questions I get is how do I experience pleasure when my body is fighting me?

Living with chronic pain changes how you move, how you rest, and yes – how you experience pleasure. It can feel frustrating, even unfair when your body won’t cooperate the way you want it to. But that doesn’t mean pleasure is out of reach. Masturbation can be a powerful tool for relief, relaxation, and reclaiming your sensuality. But how do you do it without exacerbating pain? Let’s talk about it.

Finding the Right Position Without the Agony

If the idea of lying in bed with your favorite toy or using your hands makes you wince, you’re not alone. Experimenting with sex positions that reduce strain is key. One of my readers, Jenna, told me that sitting in a recliner with a heating pad behind her lower back was a game changer. “I used to think lying down was the only way,” she said. “But sitting up, my body feels supported and I can enjoy the experience without my joints screaming at me.”

For others, side-lying can help reduce pressure on the spine and hips. And if mobility is an issue, propping up with pillows or using a wedge can make all the difference. You’re not trying to win a flexibility contest here – comfort is everything. This isn’t yoga – you don’t need to fold yourself in half to feel good.

The Right Tools for the Job

Your hands might not always be up to the task. If gripping is an issue due to arthritis or nerve pain, lightweight toys with easy-to-press buttons can be a lifesaver (we have a full list here). And let’s not forget about hands-free options. One of my clients swears by suction toys because they require no movement—just placement. Another reader, Marco, shared that using a simple vibrating cushion under his pelvis allowed him to enjoy the sensations without straining his arms. “As the gentle hum of the vibrating cushion pulsed beneath me I felt warmth and pleasure spread through my body—without the usual exhaustion,” he explained. “It’s a whole new way of experiencing pleasure without exhausting myself.”

Another reader, Ben, mentioned how pain medications sometimes dulled his sensitivity making it hard to orgasm. His solution? “I started focusing on the journey instead of the destination. Slow touch, temperature play, and even just teasing myself for longer made the experience much richer.”

You can also try exploring alternative stimulation methods like using a warm compress or a cooling gel might introduce new pleasurable sensations that don’t require repetitive movement.

Partnered Masturbation: A Helping Hand

If you have a partner they can be part of your pleasure exploration. Mutual masturbation, guided touch, or using remote-controlled vibrators together can create an intimate experience while reducing the strain on your body. If full participation feels overwhelming, simply having a partner nearby or watching can still be deeply satisfying.

Timing Your Pleasure for Maximum Comfort

Your pain fluctuates, right? Maybe mornings are brutal but afternoons bring some relief. That’s the window to aim for. Pay attention to how your body feels throughout the day and plan for self-pleasure when you’re in your best physical state.

Another trick? Pair your pleasure session with whatever already helps you relax. Maybe you take a warm bath first, use a heating pad, or even time it after your medication kicks in. A reader, Lila, said, “I started associating my self-care routine with pleasure and it completely changed my mindset. Now when I take my evening bath I know it’s time to unwind in more ways than one.”

Lube: The Non-Negotiable

Dryness isn’t just a buzzkill; it can make everything worse when pain is already in the equation. Generous amounts of lube reduce friction which means less irritation and more comfort. But here’s where people go wrong—picking the wrong type. A client, Drew, told me “I had no idea my lube was making things worse until I switched to a silicone-based one. The difference was night and day.” Water-based is great but if you need something that lasts longer with minimal reapplication, silicone might be your best bet.

Managing Expectations and Listening to Your Body

Pain can make you feel disconnected from pleasure but that doesn’t mean you should give up. Maybe orgasm isn’t the goal every time—maybe it’s just enjoying touch, warmth, or even the idea of sensuality.

One client I spoke to, Karen, put it best: “I used to think if I couldn’t have an orgasm it wasn’t worth it. But then I realized that even just stroking my skin lightly or pressing a warm vibrator against me gave me a sense of comfort I didn’t even know I needed.”

The lesson learned: Your body might not always play along perfectly but pleasure isn’t all or nothing. Some days just feeling something nice is enough.

Mental Blocks: Getting Out of Your Head

Pain doesn’t just affect your body—it messes with your mind. You might worry that trying to masturbate will make the pain worse or you might feel like your body has betrayed you one too many times. That’s understandable.

Start small. No expectations. No pressure. If today’s just about lying in bed and imagining pleasure rather than actively pursuing it, that’s okay. One step at a time. If something doesn’t work, don’t get discouraged—experimenting is part of the process.

Final Thoughts

Masturbation with chronic pain isn’t about pushing through discomfort—it’s about working with your body, listening to what it needs, and finding new ways to experience pleasure. There’s no right or wrong way to do it and every little adjustment can make a difference.

Your body has its limits but pleasure belongs to you—on your terms, at your pace, and in ways that feel good. So why not take a moment today, even if it’s just closing your eyes and breathing into the idea of feeling good?

Rachel

Rachel Sommer, Ph.D.
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