10 New Year’s Sex Resolutions to Spice Up Your Relationship

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A couple celebrating new year

I’m Tim Larson. I’ve been a professional sex toy tester for a decade now, and a dedicated amateur since my college days. My wife Sandra and I founded this site and head up the testing team.

You may think that we’ve done it all (and you wouldn’t be far off), so what’s left for a New Year’s resolution? Like the rest of us, I value true intimacy as much as really spectacular sex and sex toys. Read on to learn what I’m prioritizing for the upcoming year!

1. Schedule Sexy Time

Life gets the best of all of us sometimes. Jobs (yes, even when your job is sex toys), kids, the gym, and vegging out in front of Netflix when you’re exhausted from everything above — sometimes spontaneous sex just isn’t happening.

So, I talked about priorities above. Sex should be a priority in a happy, healthy relationship, and this means that we need to carve out time for it. Does it feel awkward at first to block off sexy time on the family calendar? Yeah, it does. Is it worth it? Yeah! It is.

We’re having more sex. We know that sex is important to each other, and that’s important in itself. We look forward to our scheduled sessions, and we enjoy the kind of anticipation that we felt when we first started dating.

And, candidly, no, we’re not always in the mood when we get started. But we always are by the time we finish, and that’s the important thing!

2. Try a New Sex Toy Every Month

Okay, it is true that I try way more than one new sex toy every month. But here’s the thing — I don’t pick the toys I review here for my own enjoyment. Don’t get me wrong; this is a great gig (you should try it!) and I do enjoy almost all the toys I test. But I’m reviewing what’s new and what’s hot. I’m not thinking about my own preferences and pleasures. So I’m in this with the rest of you. I’m going to try one new toy just for me every month, and I won’t be reviewing it because I’ll be focusing only on how good it feels.

I’m also asking my wife to share this resolution with me. Coming up is the LELO Tiani 3. It’s a wearable vibrator designed for couples, and we are scheduling a date to play with it.

3. Explore Your Fantasies, Guilt-Free

This is another resolution for couples to share, and there are two parts to it. First, we resolve to openly share fantasies with each other. Second, we resolve to not shame or question each other about what we share. Obviously, this doesn’t mean that we have to participate in any act that we’re not comfortable with; enthusiastic consent is crucial, even in marriage. But it does mean that we listen without judgment and create a safe space for each other.

So if you’ve wondered about pegging, role-play, watching erotic content together, or anything else — share it. Talk about it. Explore it, to the extent that your partner is also interested in exploring it. And thank your partner for sharing their fantasies!

4. Prioritize Solo Pleasure

A lot of my resolutions are couple-focused, but I also want to focus on solo pleasure as well (and, of course, encourage my wife to do the same). A lot of partnered folks seem to think of masturbation only as something that you resort to when your partner isn’t available or isn’t interested. The truth is that there are lots of benefits to masturbation; masturbation improves your self-image and teaches you more about your body. It truly is self-care, and it shouldn’t be just a consolation prize.

It’s also a great time to play with your favorite sex toys. You can enjoy everything that the toy has to offer because you’re focusing on yourself. My current favorite is Kiiroo Keon, which is an automatic stroker that syncs to virtual reality content for a completely immersive experience. Sandra loves Dame Arc, which she tells me is extremely versatile and hits all the right spots.

5. Communicate Before, During, and After

Communication may feel slightly awkward and un-sexy in the moment, but anything that makes relationships stronger and sex better IS sexy in the long run. We have started checking in with each other after sex, always starting with a compliment but also talking about what worked and what might need some tweaking. Try it for science!

6. Take It Out of the Bedroom

Sex in your own bed in your own house is comfortable, familiar, and safe. These are all good things! But it’s also a good thing to mix it up every now and then. Sometimes a change of scenery can inspire you to try new things, too. Just moving to another room in your house or even the backyard (assuming that you have privacy) can be enough. But if you’re feeling more daring, Lovense Ferri is a wearable vibrator that connects via Bluetooth to an app on your phone or your partner’s phone. It is discreet under clothes, so no one but the two of you will know if you wear it out in public.

7. Be a Foreplay Master

Foreplay starts way before the clothes come off. Foreplay is sending spicy texts to each other during the work day. Foreplay is bringing home your partner’s favorite bakery treat. Foreplay is doing the dishes and sweeping the kitchen. Foreplay is LIKING each other as well as loving each other, because that makes for great connected sex. And, for something more tangible, try the We-Vibe Wand 2, which either of you can control during foreplay.

8. Try Sensory Play

It may seem contradictory, but both sensory exploration and sensory deprivation help you focus on how your partner is playing your body. You can try temperature play with heated massage oil or a stainless steel toy that’s spent some time chilling in the fridge (unless you are experienced with this kind of play and have a safe word established, don’t take it much farther than this at first). A feather tickler looks pretty tame but will get you feeling pretty wild when your partner lightly brushes your body with it.

On the other side of this, blocking one of your senses (sight, sound, etc.) heightens the others dramatically. Noise-cancelling headphones or a soft blindfold are simple, low-risk ways to test this out. You will be amazed at how much more intense everything feels.

9. Focus on Aftercare

Just like foreplay is an all-day affair that builds anticipation and connection, aftercare extends the goodness and the glow. The occasional quickie and right back to work/parenting/adulting can be super fun sometimes, but it’s also important to be sure to take enough time to cuddle and connect after most sessions. Basically, between foreplay, sex itself, and aftercare, you and your partner should always be making love.

10. Make It the Year of YES!

Have you noticed that it’s often a lot easier to say “no” than “yes”? I have, and I don’t like it! I’m going to strive to say YES as much as possible next year, and you should too. Whether it’s a roleplay idea that you’re afraid is too silly or a vibrating wand that you don’t absolutely *need*, go ahead, say yes! (Note: I’m suggesting that you step outside of your comfort zone just a little, but obviously, you shouldn’t do anything that you don’t want to, and you definitely shouldn’t press your partner to do anything that they don’t want to. “Yes” is most powerful when it’s a true yes.)

Final Thoughts, and Happy New Year!

Lots of New Year’s resolutions are about doing less (eating, drinking, smoking, spending). While we are 100% in favor of addressing bad habits, we’d like to encourage you to make next year about doing more, not doing less.

Happy vibing!

Tim

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