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When you and your partner are looking to explore power play and restraint, handcuffs are a great start or next step. You may be wondering exactly how people have sex when one is handcuffed, and we are here to walk you through some of the logistics. Remember that even — especially — when it comes to kink, consent and communication are essential, and read on to learn seven of the best handcuff sex positions.
Table Of Contents
1. Missionary
The missionary position is a well-known, classic, and intimate sex position where the receiving partner lies on their back with legs spread. The penetrating partner lies on top, face-to-face, with their legs between the receiving partner’s legs. This position facilitates deep kissing, deep penetration, and a lot of eye contact.
It’s also ideal for handcuff play. The receiving partner’s wrists can be handcuffed to the headboard/bedposts above their head, or spread-eagle to the bedframe. Missionary sex already positions the penetrating partner as dominant, and handcuffs can take that up a level.
What We’re Doing
- The receiving partner lies flat on their back with hands cuffed to the bed. If you both feel ready for it, you can escalate by cuffing their ankles to the bed as well.
- The penetrating partner positions themselves on top with partners facing each other.
- The penetrating partner should apply lube if needed and enter with slow, shallow thrusts. After ensuring that the receiving partner is comfortable, they can then increase the speed and intensity.
2. Face Sitting
This particularly pithy term can apply to cunnilingus, fellatio, or analingus, so it works with a variety of dynamics. Either partner can be the one to wear the cuffs and get sat on. Especially with handcuffs in the mix, this position can be very intense for both the body and the brain. It is also low-impact for both partners.
What We’re Doing
- The giving partner lies on their back on the bed, handcuffed to the headboard or bed frame.
- The receiving partner kneels on top of the giving partner, with their knees on either side of the giving partner’s head.
- The receiving partner slowly lowers themself on the giving partner’s face, and the giving partner performs oral sex. If the receiving partner has good control and strong legs, they can also squat over the giving partner’s face.
3. Hogtie
This bondage position is not for newbies! It requires even more trust than other kinds of handcuff play, and it also requires the receiving partner to be (physically) flexible. We recommend quick-release handcuffs here, since this position can go from ooh! to ouch! very, very fast. We also recommend smooth, slow movements when helping the receiving partner get in and out of position.
What We’re Doing
- The receiving partner lies face down on their stomach, with their arms cuffed behind their back and their ankles bound or cuffed. In the classic hogtie position, the wrists and ankles are then bound together. This does not work well for all bodies, so feel free to improvise as desired.
- The penetrating partner may insert a butt plug, dildo, or vibrator into the receiving partner’s body.
- The penetrating partner can stand or kneel in front of the receiving partner’s face for oral sex, or behind the receiving partner to penetrate with their penis or a sex toy.
4. Ballet Dancer
This is a standing position, and it works best when partners are close in height so that their pelvises align. Partners stand face-to-face, and the receiving partner lifts one leg and wraps it around the penetrating partner’s waist. The receiving partner may choose to stand against a wall to brace their back.
This position gives full-body contact and very deep penetration. It feels very intimate both because of the physical aspects and the need to, quite literally, lean on each other. You will need to find a safe place to handcuff the receiving partner’s arms. If your shower rod is screwed into the wall (not just tension-mounted), it could be a good choice. You can also install a heavy-duty ceiling hook.
What We’re Doing
- The receiving partner should position themself comfortably with their legs hip distance apart and back against the wall, if desired. Cuff the receiving partner’s hands above their head.
- Now is a good time for foreplay! The receiving partner is perfectly positioned for all sorts of pleasure.
- The receiving partner should arch their back slightly and angle their hips forward. The penetrating partner positions themself between the receiving partner’s legs with pelvises aligned.
- The receiving partner wraps one leg around the penetrating partner, and the penetrating partner inserts their penis or a strap-on dildo. When the receiving partner feels adequately stable, the penetrating partner can start thrusting.
5. Standing Doggy
Since the receiving partner can lean over a bed or couch, this position is more forgiving of (moderate) height differences than other standing sex positions. Despite minimal body contact, it can feel very intense for both partners and penetration can be very deep.
Adding handcuffs further intensifies the experience. Note that some people believe that this position can induce labor in pregnant people; you may want to avoid it in early pregnancy, but you may also want to try it if you are nearly due or even overdue.
What We’re Doing
- The receiving partner stands facing the wall or bent over a bed or couch, with arms cuffed behind them. Make sure that the receiving partner feels stable before cuffing their arms.
- The penetrating partner stands behind the receiving partner, applies lube, and penetrates from behind. The penetrating partner can hold the receiving partner’s arms or elbows for stability (for both partners) and leverage.
6. Pile Driver
This position requires the receiving partner to be flexible and the penetrating partner to be strong. It also does not work well when there is a significant height difference between partners, but when this works, it really works. Penetration can be very deep, and when anatomies align, G-spot stimulation is possible. Handcuffs can add to the experience here but don’t really change that much because the receiving partner can’t practically use their hands in this position even without cuffs.
What We’re Doing
- The receiving partner lies on their back with their knees bent slightly and their hands cuffed behind their back.
- The penetrating partner stands in front of the receiving partner and slowly and gently lifts the receiving partner’s legs towards their shoulders.
- The penetrating partner then straddles the receiving partner’s hips and penetrates (if there is a significant height difference, the penetrating partner may need to squat. Once both partners feel stable, the penetrating partner can start to thrust.
7. Doggy Style
Everyone knows doggy and almost everyone loves it, woof! It’s usually comfortable for both partners, deep penetration is possible, and the penetrating partner usually has their hands free to caress the receiving partner. The penetrating partner also usually enjoys the view! Adding handcuffs can make a good thing even better.
What We’re Doing
- The receiving partner should kneel on the bed, head down. They may want a pillow under their hips and/or one for the head. The receiving partner should have their hands cuffed in front of them.
- The penetrating partner enters from behind. They can hold on to the receiving partner’s hips for stability as they thrust.
More About Sex With Handcuffs
Handcuffs are one of those things that require two emphatic “yes”es. Sex with handcuffs can be very exciting for both partners if they are both into the idea and there is a lot of trust, but it can also feel pretty bad when it doesn’t feel right. This is something that should be talked about and thought about quite a bit before putting it into play.
And keep talking even after you’ve decided to go forward. Ensure that both partners are comfortable with the idea, and let each partner set their boundaries. Establish a safe word that is easy to pronounce and remember, but is not likely to be uttered accidentally during sex. This safe word means a hard no, full stop, no questions asked. (Of course, you can and should ask questions and debrief afterwards.)
If you do decide to go ahead, choose your cuffs carefully. This is not an item that you want to skimp on. Classic metal cuffs are durable, but people with sensitive skin will probably find them uncomfortable (and even people whose skin is not especially sensitive will find them uncomfortable if they are worn for extended periods. We recommend leather or fabric cuffs for comfort.
The cuffs should fit well; here, “well” means snug but not tight, and not pressing against bones or nerves. Make sure that whatever you buy can be thoroughly cleaned, because you will need to clean them after every use. Metal and leather are usually the easiest to keep clean, but some fabric cuffs can go in the washing machine.
Happy vibing!
Maggie
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