I used to have a very negative association with exhibitionism. I thought about the creepy older man on the subway who put his briefcase over his boner and tried to feel up my skirt when I was in high school. Or the fellow who hid behind a car in New Orleans, exposing himself to me, and looked genuinely shocked when I got scared and ran away.
These are unethical forms of exhibitionist kink; however, enjoying exposing oneself can also be consensual and fun.
My journey into the positive components of exhibitionism began when I started attending sex parties. I remember the feeling of watching a couple have sex in the middle of a room where both partners enjoyed being the center of attention and taking in the power they had over the room. I had a similar feeling when I was a part of Painting Day and got naked in Washington Square Park, only covered by a thin layer of paint. At the time, I was excited to be watched and admired in all my glory as onlookers took photos.
The feeling of wanting to expose parts of your body you may not typically see in public is not inherently bad or unhealthy. The issue is acting on this desire can only be done when it is consensual and safe. Consensual kink is very different from exhibitionistic disorder. And both involve receiving sexual pleasure from exposing yourself or engaging in sexual acts in public.
The difference is that folks who do not have a disorder reveal themselves in secret (sex on a lonely beach) and when all parties are consenting. However, folks with an exhibitionist disorder often do not have consent (such as exposing themselves to a stranger on the street), and the desire causes distress to the person and often other involved parties.
Table Of Contents
What Is Consensual Exhibitionism?
A large category of desires makes up consensual exhibitionism, including going streaking, going to nude beaches, or even having sex in your car. It can also include having sex in front of a window or quickly flashing your partner in public. It can even involve hiding a sex toy down your pants and attempting to order a cappuccino with a straight face [1].
A large category also enjoys exposing their bodies to other people on the internet. The pleasure of posting nudes on Reddit or sharing your body on Snapchat and waiting to see what response you elicit is also an exhibitionist tendency [2].
Consensual exhibitionism can also include couples that enjoy having sex in a public place, where there is a risk of getting caught. The consent piece here is complex because if your timing is off, you could get caught by someone who does not want to see you have sex.
I believe it’s only ethical to have sex in public if you are in a space where folks consent to see nudity (a sex party) or a place where having someone walk in on you is very low (a desolate beach).
For example, on vacation in Mexico City, I saw a couple having sex in the middle of this crowded square full of kids and families just after sunset. Although this may not mean that they have an exhibitionist disorder, I don’t think it is consensual to have sex when there is a high chance of folks seeing you who may not want to.
Why Do Folks Develop An Exhibitionism?
There are myriad ways that folks can be sexually aroused towards public exhibitionism.
For example, the research shows that young children who share a bath with other children, who are nude in their parent’s presence, or who allow a stranger to look at their private parts were more likely to develop a tendency towards an exhibitionism fetish. As a result, some of these children may develop healthy exhibitionist tendencies, and others may develop an exhibitionist disorder.
Some folks have personalities that fit well with exhibitionism. For example, it’s logical that those who enjoy being the center of attention may become exhibitionists.
I have exhibitionism tendencies, and I think that growing up as an only child, where everyone was fighting over my attention, helped this tendency develop. So, the same child who wanted to be the star of the play or make a speech at a wedding may be the child who will grow up wanting to be the center of attention in sexual scenarios.
Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of research pinpointing how consensual exhibitionism develops.
As with many fetishes, I would assert it’s more likely to develop when folks have a biological tendency towards developing a fetish. Following this, their personality and early childhood experiences may make some folks more likely to be sexually aroused towards exhibitionism than others.
Are You An Exhibitionist?
It’s likely self-evident with something more specific like a foot fetish if you have his desire. However, many folks who enjoy exhibitionism may not fully know their desire. So, to assess if you may have a public nudity fetish, ask yourself:
- Are you excited about having people watch you be naked or have sex?
- Are you into the idea of burlesque, stripping, or other situations where you may be sexual or naked in public?
- Do you love dressing up so that all attention is on you?
- When you get respectfully cat-called, are you low-key flattered?
- Does the concept of being part of an all-nude community excite you?
How To Play Around With Exhibitionism
If you’re excited by exhibitionism, there are several ways to explore this pleasure in a consensual and safe manner. Here are some ideas:
- You can find places to be nude in public, like nude beaches, painting days, or sex parties.
- Or you can create a sexy picture, videotape, or audio of you pleasuring yourself and sharing it with your partner (or, if you’re brave, online).
- You can find private places to have sex in public, like in a bathroom, your friend’s house, or against your window.
- Or you can meet your partner naked when they come home or have a naked dinner, dance, or event.
- You can try to exist outside the house while a sex toy stimulates you. If you are brave, give control of the toy to your partner.
- You can sign up for a nude photoshoot or be a model in a painting class.
How Common Is Exhibitionist Fetish?
An interest in exhibitionism is one of the most common kinks.
Justin Lehmiller found that 81 percent of men and 84 percent of women are sexually aroused by the idea of having sex in public. A recent study from Lelo found similar results, with 82% of folks from all genders having fantasized about having sex in an unusual place like offices and public toilets.
Of course, having sex in public may be exciting for many reasons. However, for many folks, the interest is due to the possibility of being caught and seen, which is an exhibitionist desire.
Much of the research on exhibition fetish focuses on those who exposed themselves without explicit permission. A Swedish study found that 2% of women and 4% of men have exposed themselves to a stranger and been excited by it.
When Is It Not OK?
Where’s the line between flashing people at Mardi Gras for beads and engaging in exhibitionism that’s harmful to yourselves and others
Folks with Exhibitionistic Disorder have an urge and fantasy of showing their genitals to non-consenting people. Folks with this desire often expose themselves to strangers, with some preferring children, adults, or both [3].
To receive a diagnosis of this disorder, folks must have shown their genitals to non-consenting people and have such intense and unhealthy desires that it causes clinically significant distress.
Folks who have this disorder make up between 2-4% of the male population, and they are more likely to be men than women. However, this gender difference may be because often, people aren’t too mad when they are flashed by a woman vs. a man. As a result, men are more likely to get arrested and have treatment for this disorder.
There are effective therapies for those with this disorder, from cognitive-behavioral methods to medical interventions [4]. If this is you, remember there’s nothing wrong with your desire. It’s your behavior that’s unhealthy and must change. Perhaps you can find more socially acceptable outlets that meet your needs.
It’s hard to imagine, but getting flashed by a stranger is a terrifying experience, so get the help you need to ensure you don’t traumatize anyone else.
A public sex fetish is a natural and exciting tendency. But, unfortunately, there are so few places where exhibitionists can let their freaks fly. So, if this is you, work on exploring new and exciting outlets to explore this part of yourself.
It may take a bit of digging, but there are places where folks will not just consent but deeply enjoy watching you in all of your glory.
Happy exploring 🙂
Niki
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