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If you identify as a take-charge woman, you should absolutely take charge in the bedroom too! Maggie Hart, our experienced sex educator, advises that this is a great way to learn about your body and your sexuality. You’ll also get to learn more about your partner’s body and sexuality.
A little bit of role reversal can inspire increased desire and open up lines of communication. Plus, trying new things has been linked to higher desire and satisfaction in sexual relationships. What’s not to love? Let’s get started.
Table Of Contents
1. Squatting Cowgirl
Cowgirl in all its glorious variations is the ultimate female-dominant position. We chose the squatting cowgirl for this list because it allows people with vulvas to focus primarily on their own pleasure.
They can control the angle, depth, and pace of penetration. They can also grind on their partner’s pelvis or use their hands (or a vibrator) to stimulate their clitoris. And while the receiving partner is in control here, the penetrating partner is not suffering at all; they get a great view and a great ride.
What We’re Doing
- The penetrating partner lies on their back. They can put a firm pillow under their hips to adjust the angle if desired.
- The receiving partner squats over the penetrating partner’s pelvis.
- The penetrating partner uses their hand to guide their penis in and the receiving partner thrusts and/or grinds as desired.
2. The Amazon
This position is named after the warrior tribe, not the website! Amazon warriors were fierce and they took what they wanted from the men they captured. You can bring that energy to your bedroom. Feel free to dress up to boost your confidence and immerse yourself in this role.
What We’re Doing
- The penetrating partner lies on their back, spreads their legs, and folds their knees into their chest.
- The receiving partner stands between the penetrating partner’s legs and bends their knees slightly to sit on the penetrating partner’s thighs. The receiving partner can brace themselves on the penetrating partner’s chest or lean back and grasp the penetrating partner’s shins for balance.
- The penetrating partner uses their hand to guide their penis in, and the receiving partner controls the depth and pace of penetration.
- Either partner can use their hand to stimulate the receiving partner’s clitoris.
3. Face-Sitting
The receiving partner is undeniably in control during face-sitting (although it is a cornerstone of kink that the submissive partner is actually the one who sets the boundaries).
However, when you’re riding your partner’s face, your partner is quite literally beneath you and you are in charge of your own pleasure. This position is sometimes called “queening,” and that is a very apt term!
As always, keep lines of communication open and ensure that the giving partner is comfortable (and able to breathe!). Any pain during play should be strictly intentional and consensual. Establish a safe word as sort of an emergency exit.
What We’re Doing
- The giving partner lies on their back on the bed. They can put a firm pillow under their head and neck for support and/or a better angle.
- The receiving partner kneels or squats over the giving partner’s face and the giving partner performs oral sex.
4. The Bridge
This position is not for everyone; it demands flexibility and strength on the part of the penetrating partner, and balance on the part of the receiving partner. But when it works, it works!
Many couples find that it facilitates both G-spot stimulation through penetration and clitoral stimulation from grinding on the penetrating partner’s pelvis. It also allows for eye contact throughout.
What We’re Doing
- The penetrating partner assumes a reverse plank bridge pose with knees bent and hands and feet flat on the floor for support.
- The receiving partner straddles the penetrating partner’s pelvis. Partners should be facing each other.
- The receiving partner uses their hand to carefully guide the penetrating partner’s penis in.
5. Lap Dance
While you might think that doing a lap dance puts you in a submissive position, the opposite is true here: you are running the show, setting the boundaries, and directing the action. This can be even more fun with some music and/or costumes to set the scene.
What We’re Doing
- The penetrating partner sits upright on a chair or couch with their legs together.
- The receiving partner stands straddling the penetrating partner’s legs, with their back to the penetrating partner.
- The receiving partner dances and grinds on the penetrating partner.
- When permitted, the penetrating partner uses their hand to guide their penis in.
6. Spider
This position is featured in the Kama Sutra, and it is also rather challenging physically. Both partners need to have core strength, stamina, and balance. In this spider position, the receiving partner is dominant and is able to control the depth and pace of penetration.
If you find it too uncomfortable, you can experiment with other Kama Sutra sex positions or tantric techniques.
What We’re Doing
- The penetrating partner sits with legs spread and knees bent, and leans backwards using their arms for support.
- The receiving partner sits on top of the penetrating partner, also with knees bent and legs spread. They are face to face, with the receiving partner’s buttocks on the penetrating partner’s thighs. The receiving partner also leans back and uses their arms for support.
- Partners work together to align their pelvises and help the penetrating partner’s penis enter.
7. Reverse Missionary
This twist on the classic missionary position swaps traditional gender roles, which can be exciting for both partners. It allows the receiving partner to control the action and “use” the penetrating partner’s penis.
What We’re Doing
- The penetrating partner lies on their back with legs spread and knees bent. They then raise their knees towards their chest. They can put a firm pillow or sex wedge under their hips for support and/or to adjust the angle.
- The receiving partner kneels (or stands, depending on the height of the partners and the bed) in front of the penetrating partner, between his legs.
- The receiving partner spreads their legs slightly, aligns their pelvis with the penetrating partner’s, and uses their hand to guide the penetrating partner’s penis in.
- The receiving partner can grasp the penetrating partner’s thighs for balance and control.
8. Sideways Saddle
This variation on cowgirl maintains the female-dominant position and allows the receiving partner to control the pace and depth of penetration. The dynamics here are also interesting, since there is no eye contact and not a whole lot of body contact other than penis-in-vagina. The receiving partner is free to stimulate their clitoris and “use” the penetrating partner’s penis.
What We’re Doing
- The penetrating partner lies on the bed with legs straight and knees together. They can put a pillow under their hips to adjust the angle if desired.
- The receiving partner squats over the penetrating partner’s pelvis in a “sidesaddle” position. They can use one hand and arm to balance themself on the penetrating partner’s chest.
- The penetrating partner uses their hand to guide their penis in.
9. Lock and Key
This position looks a lot like classic missionary, but the twist is that the penetrating partner basically holds the pose and the receiving partner controls the action from the bottom.
It is more physically challenging than it appears, but it’s exciting for both partners. It’s also a good way to introduce female-dominant sex if the female is not yet comfortable being on top.
What We’re Doing
- The receiving partner lies on their back with legs spread and knees slightly bent. They can put a firm pillow under their hips for support or to adjust the angle.
- The penetrating partner kneels (on all fours) between the receiving partner’s legs.
- The receiving partner wraps their legs around the penetrating partner’s legs. They may lift their hips towards the penetrating partner’s thighs.
- The penetrating partner uses their hand to guide their penis in and then holds still. The receiving partner grinds and thrusts against the penetrating partner.
10. Doggy With Strap-on
Penetrating the partner who usually penetrates you is the height of role reversal and female domination. This obviously should not happen without communication and consent (no penetration should ever happen without communication and consent).
While the dynamics of this can be very exciting to the usually-receiving partner, the act is generally not physically satisfying unless they use a hands-free strap-on with a vibrating arm in their vagina.
As with any anal play, pegging, or penetration, lots of foreplay and lube are necessary. Apply lube generously to both the toy and the receiving partner’s body. Water-based lube is the standard and is compatible with all sex toys. Oil-based lube or body-safe food-grade oil is usually thicker and less likely to dry out, but you should check to make sure that it is safe to use with your sex toy (it is usually fine with silicone).
What We’re Doing
- The (usually receiving, now penetrating) partner puts on the strap-on and applies lube to the toy.
- The (usually penetrating, now receiving) partner kneels on all fours and applies lube to their body. They can place a firm pillow under their hips for support.
- The penetrating partner kneels behind the receiving partner and uses their hand to guide the strap-on in.
Maggie
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