Beginner Guide to Tantric Sex: How To Practice, Etc.

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A couple meditating in the bedroomI remember the first time I discovered Tantra. At the time, I’d developed a shell after living ten years in Japan, a country with low libido, and I was looking for a tool to enhance my sexuality and drop my body armor.

Tantra proposed a solution to my dilemma. Not only that, but it has transformed my life and improved my sexuality and my spirituality.

And I’m not the only one. Tantra has revolutionized the sex lives of many individuals in the world.

If you’re curious about Tantra and would like to learn how to start having incredible sex, keep reading. This article is for you. I have dedicated my life to attaining considerable wisdom and knowledge about Tantra. And I hope that you will have a better sex life after reading this article. I will share tantric tools and techniques to help you spice up your sex life and create juicy intimacy with your partner.

Tantric sex can be a gateway to some of the best sexual experiences of your life. But before diving into the details, I want to note that Tantra goes far beyond the sexual union. Tantra is a way of living, a path to higher consciousness and full spiritual awakening. It’s a pathway to more love, self-love, and love for the world we live in, especially love in our relationships.

First, let’s understand what Tantra is and what can make sex “tantric.”

What Is Tantric Sex?

Tantra is a cosmo-vision, a way of understanding life that comes from India. In the West, Tantra is primarily associated with sex, but that’s not what Tantra initially was about. In Sanskrit, “tan” means “to expand” and also “to unite,” while “tra” means “tool.” Tantra is a “tool for expansion and deep connection.” So, Tantra is a practice that brings loving partners together for a deeper connection and expansion [1].

When you practice tantric sex, you connect on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels. It’s a way to increase physical and spiritual awareness, where sex becomes a sacred tool for expansion.

Why is Tantra often misunderstood as sex?

In Tantra, no guilt or shame surrounds a person’s sexuality. It teaches us that to be a “complete person,” no part of us should be ignored, including our sexuality. In that regard, sex becomes sacred, something to be explored, enjoyed, and celebrated.


Benefits of Practicing Tantric Sex

There are plenty of benefits of practicing tantra sex [2].

Some people might feel very disconnected from their lover and from sex itself. It could even become an uncomfortable or painful experience, but it doesn’t have to be.

With Tantra, you can cultivate deep desire and passion in the bedroom. You can feel amazing and blissful pleasure in your own body and reach higher states of arousal. The sexual practice will get you dripping wet or hard and erect.

The Tantric sexual journey is particularly good for people who:

  • Struggle to get aroused or to orgasm;
  • Desire to have full-body, multiple, and more intense orgasms;
  • Enjoy a passionate, hot, sexy, and intimate connection with yourself and your lover.

Tantric sex supports the physical, energetic, psychological, and spiritual connection between two lovers. Tantric sex raises collective consciousness by cultivating our creative life force energy.

During tantric sex, we see our lovers as divine beings worthy of love, respect, and worship. We focus on cultivating love and reverence for the person with whom we share our tantric sex experience.

Tantric sex becomes a sacred sexual practice that can deepen our sexual pleasure and improve the relationship and intimacy between partners.


4 Easy Steps How To Have Tantric Sex Today

So, how do you start enjoying the benefits of tantric sex?

It’s very simple. Tantric sex is not about what you do but how you do it. Follow the 4 easy Tantric techniques below to start having tantric sex.

1. Set up your love temple

The concept of the love temple is fundamental. Therefore, turn your bedroom into a love temple.

Tidy it up and decorate it with beautiful cushions, silky sheets, and comfy blankets. Light scented candles and put on pleasurable music to create a relaxing ambiance. Burn some incense or infuse some essential oils.

You might also want light snacks and drinks like chocolate, strawberries, or warm tea.

Romantic bedroom

2. Warm each other up

Take a shower or a bath and wear some sexy underwear. Then, invite your partner to your love temple and start connecting. Offer each other a tantric massage to wake your senses, and shower each other with kisses and cuddles.

Warm up your body and allow sexual energy to rise up and down in cycles. Don’t converse during this time; just make sounds of pleasure or share intentions and loving words.

3. Breathe in rhythm

When we’re aroused, we tend to constrict or hold our breath. During tantra sex, make sure to breathe deeply and slowly, helping you move sexual energy in your body.

Sit on the bed and face your partner while you breathe in rhythm. Alternate with moments of eyes closed and moments when you look into each other’s eyes. It should look like the image below.

A couple meditating in the bedroom

Breathing together allows you to naturally synchronize your deep breathing and feel more in tune with each other. Make sure to take a deep abdominal breath to spread the sexual energy.

You can read this article to learn what sexual energy is and how to channel it.

4. Slow down

When we have sex, we easily lose ourselves in the heat of the moment. We rush into the experience to have an orgasm as everything moves fast. What happens when we give in to these deep erotic experiences? Most of the time, they are more disappointing than satisfying.

Tantric sex slows everything down. Foreplay is extended, and kissing is endless. Each stroke is slow and sensual, becoming a way to tease each other. Tantric sex is your moment to play with pleasure.

Once penetrative sex begins, remember to slow down. The more time you take, the more mind-blowing your Tantric orgasm will be.


Best Tantric Sex Positions and Rituals

Tantra uses rituals to increase the emotional, physical, and spiritual connection with one another.

1. The Daily Devotion

Practice slowing down by using the “Daily Devotion” position. Each time you spend the night with your partner, spoon each other for 5 to 10 minutes in the morning.

Spooning Position

One giving partner inserts his penis into the other partner and stays there while breathing together. The receiving partner squeezes the penis without making any other movement.

Eye Gazing Ritual

Have you ever gazed at someone’s eyes and felt their Soul? That’s why eye-gazing rituals are so crucial in Tantra.

It has the power to put you into a trance-like state and connect deeply with your partner.

Eye gazing tantra

Sit down and face your partner. Put your palms up and maintain eye contact while you breathe from your belly. After about 10 minutes, something magical usually happens. You and your partner’s breath synchronize, and you feel a deep sense of sexual connection.

While you gaze at each other, imagine that your partner is an embodiment of a god or a goddess.


When you decide to move towards penetration, undulate your body to create a wavelike motion.

Move your pelvis and squeeze your PC muscles––the muscles you use to stop urine flow. Visualize the flow of tantra energy coming up from your genitals through your spine and returning to your partner’s body.

A man doing Undulations

When you undulate, focus on bringing awareness to your partner’s divine essence, increasing the sacredness of what you’re doing in the moment.

The Yab-Yum Position

When we think about Tantra and Tantric sexology, Yab-Yum is the position that comes to the mind of most Westerners. In this position, you may or may not have sexual intercourse, but that’s not the point.

According to Tantric traditions, the point is to embrace and kiss each other passionately while doing Tantric breathing together and gazing into each other’s eyes.

Yab Yum Tantra Position

To perform the Yab-yum position, one partner sits on the top and wraps their legs around the other’s waist. This position facilitates penetration if desired, but it can also be just skin contact.

You can find more tantric sex positions in this guide.


What are the differences between regular sex and tantric sex?

Tantric sex will increase your level of oxytocin (the love hormone) [3], and you will feel more connected and present with yourself and your partner.

1. Higher levels of oxytocin

One of the significant differences between regular sex and tantric sex is that tantric sex slows everything down. As you might guess, this produces more oxytocin––that bonding love chemical.

Stroking each other for extended periods or looking into each other’s eyes produces more oxytocin, making love feelings stronger. For this reason, you may stay aroused for a longer period and even reach a state of transcendence or euphoria.

2. Stronger connection with yourself and your partner

Unlike regular sex, which can sometimes keep us stuck in a performance-based mindset, tantra sex is about being vulnerable. It’s about allowing whatever we are experiencing to arise.

When we know we are in a safe space to be vulnerable, we are more likely to be authentic and connect deeply to our partners.

3. More mindful

A tantra session is about being present and conscious of your experience without putting on a sexy show.

When you have sex consciously, you bring your full presence and awareness to the experience. You are entirely in the present moment, not distracted, absent-minded, or trying to multitask.

Bringing such presence to sex allows you to experience everything more deeply and with more meaning.

When you practice Tantra, make sure to remove goals or agendas from your lovemaking, including focusing on the orgasm. As soon as we focus on the orgasm, we are no longer present. We’re ahead of ourselves.

Tantric lovers forget about orgasm. It doesn’t mean that they don’t orgasm; quite the opposite. They orgasm abundantly and effortlessly.


Behind the scenes––What no one talks about

There is one common practice among tantric practitioners, yet no one talks about it since it’s a bit taboo.

Let me break the taboo for you.

During tantric practice, some practitioners consume wine in a moderate quantity to relax the mind. Wine reduces inhibitions and alters the state of consciousness.

In these states, Maithuna [4] (the sexual union in Sanskrit) is seen as a ritual to recreate the unity of god and goddess Shiva/Shakti at a physical level. The goal is to access divinity and oneness. We then  reconstruct the first act of creation, the creation of the Universe.

I don’t recommend this variant, and instead, I encourage you to focus on the connection with your partner.


Sources & Further Reading

If you’d like to dive deeper into the art of tantric sex, here are 5 tantric sex books that are a must-read.

“The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment” – By Diana Richardson

In her book, Diana Richardson explores the concept of Tantra as a way to deepen intimacy and love. She uses a language that speaks to modern Westerners. If you’re curious about Tantra sex, this book is a must-read.

“Tantra Illuminated: The Philosophy, History, and Practice of a Timeless Tradition” – By Christopher D Wallis

Since its introduction to the West 100 years ago, Tantra has received much interest but also much misinformation. In Tantra Illuminated, the author Christopher D. Wallis attempts to shed light on the essence of Tantra and its history.

“Urban Tantra, Second Edition: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century” – By Barbara Carrellas and Annie Sprinkle

Barbara Carrellas updates classical Tantra for modern practitioners who want to explore the sexual aspect.  The second edition of this best-seller book includes references to boundaries and consent in Tantra. It also refers to how tantra can be used in expanded communities, such as the BDSM community, LGBTQ community, etc.

“The Tantra Experience: Evolution through Love” – By Osho

This is a classic book by Osho that introduces the basics of Tantra in a demanding society. Tantra is depicted as a way of life without division between ordinary and extraordinary. Tantra is a way to cope with the frustration of today’s life.


I hope this article inspires you to keep exploring Tantra and give tantric sex a go.

Turn your lovemaking into sexual rituals, which start with a sacred space. Bring sacredness into your intimate connection. Experience the fantastic magic and power of a tantric connection in the bedroom.

Hakima Tantrika

Hakima Tantrika
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