How to Use Sex Toys in a Wheelchair? 6 Tips From A Sexologist

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A man in a wheelchairLet’s cut to the chase—disability doesn’t press pause on pleasure. And being in a wheelchair doesn’t disqualify anyone from steamy solo sessions or satisfying partner play. As someone who’s spent years diving into human sexuality from every angle imaginable, I’ve heard far too many people ask if they “can still enjoy sex toys” just because they use a wheelchair. The answer? Oh yes.

I’m Dr. Rachel Sommer, a clinical sexologist who’s spent over a decade working with people of all body types and abilities to help them reconnect with pleasure. This article is for anyone in a wheelchair who’s wondering how to explore their body—or their partner’s—with toys, whether they’re just starting or they’ve been eyeing that rabbit vibrator for months. I’ve also sprinkled in reader experiences that I think add real heart, humor, and some jaw-dropping creativity.

Let’s Talk Access and Comfort

First things first—comfort is king. If you’re seated for long periods, pressure points matter. That buzzing wand might sound like a good idea (and hey, it is), but if you’re stuck in one position that strains your back or hips, you’re going to be focused more on the ache than the orgasm.

So, think surfaces. Some people stay in their chairs during play, while others transfer to a bed or padded bench. A gel cushion or wedge pillow can go a long way here. One of our readers, Jenna from Austin, swears by her yoga bolster and a Liberator Ramp combo. “It gives me the angle I need without throwing out my shoulder just to get off,” she said.

Also, play with positioning. No rulebook says you have to lie flat on your back or sit rigidly upright. Use straps, wedges, or rolled towels—get creative. Your body will thank you.

Find Sex Toys That Fit You

There’s no one-size-fits-all here. Your toy choices might depend on dexterity, muscle control, or how sensitive your body feels on a given day.

Some toys that work beautifully for wheelchair users:

  • Hands-free vibrators like the We-Vibe Chorus or Lovense Ferri are golden. You can wear them under clothes, control them remotely, and forget they’re even there—until they start buzzing.
  • Sex machines sound like a plot twist, but adjustable stroke machines like the Hismith Pro Mini have changed the game for some users. Set it up once, sit back, and let the rhythm do the work.
  • Wand vibrators with long handles (like the Magic Wand Plus) can help reach without straining your arms or wrists. One reader, Angela, wrote in, saying she taped her wand to a selfie stick to get the exact reach he needed. That’s the kind of ingenuity I love.

Whatever you choose, make sure the controls are easy to operate. Big buttons, simple remotes, or app access can make a world of difference. If it takes more effort to turn the toy on than to enjoy it, toss it back in the drawer.

Adaptive Aids (And a Few Surprises)

You don’t always need to buy “adaptive” sex gear. Sometimes the best fixes are ordinary items repurposed with a little imagination.

Like Drew, who uses a bike bottle holder attached to his chair armrest to hold a small stroker. Or Carmen, who has limited hand movement and uses a small C-clamp from Home Depot to attach her suction cup dildo to a footstool. “It’s ugly as sin, but it works better than anything I bought online,” she wrote me in an email.

There are companies like Liberator and Sportsheets that make harnesses and cuffs that work well for people who want more stability (You can read more about them here). But don’t get boxed in. You know your body and your setup better than anyone. Sometimes the best gear is already in your garage or kitchen.

And speaking of gear—consider where and how you’ll store your toys. If you’re concerned about caregivers or family stumbling across something unexpected, stash your items in a makeup bag, a nondescript case, or a small lockbox. One reader told me she uses an old insulated lunch cooler: “Looks boring, keeps things private.”

Solo Play Tips

A lot of people think partnered sex is the goal, but solo play is where most of us really learn what works—and what doesn’t. If hand strength is a factor, look into voice-activated toys or app-controlled vibrators. Lovense’s app, for example, lets you create vibration patterns or let your partner take control from across the room—or the world.

One of my clients, Liam, told me how he uses his elbow to hold down a vibrating sleeve while lying on a wedge cushion. “It’s a whole-body workout,” he joked. But then he got serious. “Honestly, I didn’t expect to feel sexy again after my accident. These toys made me feel like I still had options. Like my body wasn’t just a list of limitations.”

Partner Play (Let’s Get Real)

If you’re in a relationship, bringing sex toys into the mix can add spice, sure—but it also offers a practical way to explore positions that might not otherwise be possible. Try under-the-bed restraints to help keep things stable or experiment with thigh harnesses for partner penetration when mobility is limited.

Don’t assume your partner has all the answers. Talk. Show. Laugh through the awkward bits. Real intimacy isn’t about porn-star acrobatics. It’s about showing up—exactly as you are—and being open to what feels good today. Maybe that’s oral. Maybe that’s a vibrating plug and a shared playlist. Or maybe it’s just watching each other and touching yourselves side-by-side.

Sex is a shape-shifter. So let it shift.

Communication Is Still the Sexiest Tool

Let’s not pretend that disability never comes with frustration. It does. But don’t turn it into a wall between you and your partner.

Say what hurts. Say what’s boring. Or say what lights you up like a Christmas tree. You’re not being a burden. You’re being honest—and that’s sexy as hell.

If you have caregivers involved in your day-to-day, boundaries matter here too. One reader, Alex, wrote in about being nervous that their caregiver would find a hidden adult toy. “Eventually, I just said screw it and bought a lockbox. My body, my rules.” That’s the energy we’re going for.

Also—if you’re ever unsure about what’s safe for your body, don’t guess. Reach out to your doctor or occupational therapist. You’re not asking permission. You’re giving yourself the information to have better sex.

Lube, Lube, and More Lube

Don’t underestimate this. Many people in wheelchairs—especially those with spinal cord injuries—experience reduced natural lubrication. That doesn’t mean less arousal. It just means your body’s got a different game plan now. Lube evens the playing field.

Try a thick, long-lasting gel-based lube for solo play or a body-safe silicone lube for water play (though not with silicone toys). Keep a pump bottle nearby. No fumbling with tiny caps while you’re already halfway there.

Mental Turn-Ons Matter Too

Sometimes your body won’t cooperate. Maybe you’re tired. Maybe you’re hurting. Or maybe your spasms are more aggressive than usual.

It’s okay to let your brain carry the load. Erotica, audio porn, fantasy games—your biggest sex organ is still firing on all cylinders. One reader named Priya said she started using audio porn during a period of depression when she couldn’t move much. “It brought back desire without pressure. Like I was slowly getting my body back by way of my mind.”

Another reader, Jordan, told me he started writing erotic stories just for himself. “Even when I couldn’t move much at all, I could still create pleasure in my head. And sometimes, that was enough to get everything else going too.”

That’s power. That’s healing. And that’s sex.

Final Thoughts

Sex in a wheelchair isn’t about settling or figuring out how to “make do.” It’s about finding new ways to feel alive. To feel connected. To feel pleasure crackling under your skin in ways you didn’t expect.

You might try five toys before one feels right. You might rig a pillow fort worthy of an engineering award. Or you might laugh so hard at a vibrator falling off the bed that you forget what you were even doing. That’s okay.

There’s no gold medal for “most efficient orgasm.” There’s just you, your body, your imagination—and maybe a damn good toy with a bendable neck.

So get curious. Get bold. Try something new. Sex doesn’t stop for anyone. And neither should joy.

And if no one’s told you lately—you deserve pleasure, exactly as you are.

Happy vibing!

Rachel

Rachel Sommer, Ph.D.
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