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For those of us who grew up watching Bob the Builder and Bob Vila’s This Old House, the idea of DIYing whatever we can has a certain appeal — we can save money and get exactly what we want. What’s not to love? Well, when it comes to BDSM restraints that may need to support the weight of two grown adults, we don’t love the idea of potential injury or expensive, embarrassing trips to the ER.
We will walk through some of our best options below, but we also recommend looking for something like the 20-piece All You Need kit from Lovehoney. For just over $100 (and Lovehoney sends out lots of coupon codes, so you could very well lower that price even more), you get a complete starter package including restraints, cuffs, clamps, a collar, a blindfold, and a whip.
Sex, especially kinky sex, should be safe, sane, and consensual. We’re going to assume that consent is covered. However, using bondage gear that hasn’t been properly engineered or tested is neither safe nor sane.
We do understand that not everyone has access to curated high-end collections of bondage gear. There are some self-serve choices that are safer than others, and we’ll talk about realistic options. Read on to learn more!
Table Of Contents
Why You Should Trust Us
My Sex Toy Guide is staffed by sexologists, sex toy testers, and researchers. There is considerable institutional knowledge here! Rachel Sommer, Sandra Larson, and Shane Davis all contributed to this article.
When it comes to sex toys and BDSM gear, we know what matters and what’s a little bit of puffery. We have always been committed to being honest with our readers, and that’s what we’re doing here. We want you to have fun and be safe, and we’re going to share the best ways to do that.
What Are DIY BDSM Restraints?
As you are probably aware, BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism. It’s become a catch-all term for kink, even though there are people who are into one or two of those letters a lot more than the others and there are plenty of kinks that aren’t represented. Restraints are part of the bondage aspect of BDSM, and they are usually part of a power play where the submissive partner is restrained and at the mercy of the dominant partner. Some folks aren’t into the D/s dynamic and just like being tied up; that’s fine too! Homemade bondage toys don’t discriminate.
Before we talk about DIY restraints, though, we’d like to show you what we consider to be the gold standard for bondage restraints. The Stockroom’s Premium Garment Leather Wrist Cuffs and Ankle Cuffs are crafted from buttery-soft, garment-quality cowhide and nickel-plated hardware. They are lined with lambskin, reinforced at stress points, and equipped with D-rings so they can attach to the bedpost, a spreader bar, or anywhere else. For safety and comfort, you should not settle for less when it comes to wrist and ankle cuffs.
Is Making Homemade Restraints Safe?
Unless you really know what you are doing (and, no offense, but if you haven’t made stuff like this before, you probably do not qualify), it’s not safe to depend on homemade restraints. Whatever you use has to be strong enough to handle the pressure of a full-grown adult who is exerting significant force. Any restraints should also have a quick-release function, because if things go wrong, they can go wrong fast.
But while it’s really not a great idea (really not great) to try to DIY a set of wrist or ankle cuffs, there are other ways to semi-safely restrain your partner or be restrained yourself.
Note: We are providing information here, but what you do with it is your own responsibility and at your own risk. Please review our Terms of Service.
1. Ropes
Ropes are the OG restraints. It’s important to pick a rope that is strong enough to do the job but soft enough that it won’t scratch; anything that feels even slightly rough right out of the package will be miserable, and not in the fun way, when you’re firmly bound and straining. Look for a soft rope made out of cotton or a blend, and remember that while restraints need to be snug to work, they should not be tight enough to impede blood flow in any way.
If you aren’t sure which rope to pick and don’t necessarily want to open every package at the big-box hardware store to test it out on your wrists, look at the Bondage Boutique Soft Bondage Rope. It is an ideal bondage rope because it has a flat weave and a matte, non-slip finish. The cotton is comfortable against bare skin but still holds securely. You can get ten meters (30+ feet) of this shibari-quality rope for about the same price as a pizza with everything.
2. Belts
Leather belts are strong enough to restrain securely and the buckles make them easy to adjust; plus, lots of folks love the look of leather against bare skin. Be very careful with skinny belts (less than an inch wide), though, because they can cut into skin and leave marks. This is both painful and potentially embarrassing.
If you don’t have belts that are suitable to use as restraints, check out the KinkLab Leather Bondage Kit. This comes with purpose-built wrist and ankle cuffs, a hog tie, and all the hardware you need. It feels good, it looks great, and you don’t risk weakening a belt that you need to hold up your pants!
3. DIY Over-the-Door Restraint
We’re going to give credit where credit is due here. Our staff spent quite a lot of time researching the next two recommendations here, and we found most of what we needed on the r/BdsmDIY subreddit and elsewhere on Reddit.
You can make your own over-the-door restraint with materials from your local hardware store:
- Approximately 30” of 1”-wide nylon strap
- 2x welded metal D-rings, measuring 1-3/4” across with 3/16” thickness
- 2x 1”-thick wooden dowels (can be cut from a broom handle)
- Saddlery thread or any heavy-duty thread
- Blunt needle
- Good pair of scissors
- Lighter
Step-by-Step Guide:
- Cut the tie to the desired length, around 30” and use the lighter to carefully seal the ends of the strap, which prevents fraying.
- Cut the dowel so that it is longer than the top edge of the door. Fasten the center of the strap to the dowel by sewing it around the wood.
- Use the needle and thread to sew one D-ring securely to each end of the strap.
- Position the dowel across the top edge of the door frame with the straps accessible. Close the door so that the dowel catches on the frame door, which should secure the straps and rings.
- Homemade Restraint with Bed Frame
We also learned how to build a bed frame with restraints! This is a substantial project, and you should be confident in your skills since the frame will need to support at least two adults.
Materials Needed:
- 2”×4” wooden boards, quantity depends on the desired size of the frame
- T-brackets and L-brackets
- 6 eye bolts
- Chains (length depends on the desired flexibility and reach)
- Screws
- 10 small cinder blocks
- Power sander
- Bed skirt (optional, decorative)
Step-by-Step Guide:
- Measure and cut the 2”×4” boards to create a frame for your mattress.
- Create the frame base by arranging the cut boards into a rectangular shape, ensuring that they fit snugly under your box spring. Use T-brackets and screws to secure the corners.
- Add a cross-piece for stability. Cut an additional 2”×4” board to the width of the frame. Attach it horizontally across the middle of the frame using L-brackets and screws.
- Use a power sander to round off the corners of the wooden frame. This protects both your mattress and your skin.
- Flip the frame over and attach eye bolts to the underside at all four corners and about halfway down each side rail. Make sure that they are strong and secure.
- Attach chains to each eye bolt. We recommend measuring and cutting them slightly longer than you think you need, because it’s always easier to shorten a chain than to lengthen it.
- Turn the frame back over and place the cinderblocks evenly beneath the frame to lift it off the ground. Test to make sure that it is stable and level.
- Drape the bed skirt over the frame if you are using one. Then put the mattresses on the frame.
This frame should be very sturdy since it’s made of wood, metal, and cinderblocks. It’s a lot of work, though. If you don’t think that you’re up to this kind of a project, we recommend the Bondage Boutique Under Mattress system. It is also sturdy and you can install it in minutes.
Other Homemade BDSM Toys
If you’re not confident in your carpentry skills but you still want to customize some play pieces, we can offer some ideas that are lower-effort and lower-risk.
- Blindfold: Sensory deprivation really adds to a BDSM experience (or even mostly vanilla sex). Our brains are wired to ramp up the other senses if one is temporarily cut off, so when a person is blindfolded, they are more sensitive to touch. You can use any soft, dark cloth as a blindfold. Silk ties or scarves are ideal. Tie it tight enough to feel snug and block out any light, but make sure that it’s still comfortable. As with any sort of BDSM play, make sure that you establish a safe word — your partner can’t see you so they need to know that they can call a stop at any time.
- Handcrafted Impact Toys: You can craft floggers and paddles out of whatever feels good to you (we found a wonderful wooden cutting board with a handle at a local resale shop for $2, and it just needed to be refinished). This is a great way to indulge your desire for creativity and customization while leaving the potentially dangerous stuff to the pros.
- Furniture Straps: You can find some sturdy webbing or leather and loop it around sturdy, securely attached parts of your furniture, like the legs of a couch or bedposts. Check to see that your weight won’t tip the furniture piece over. Attach the other end of the strap to your partner’s wrists or ankles (even better, snap a cuff with a quick-release latch onto your partner and then attach the strap to the cuff).
- Nipple Clamps: Most households have items that can be used as nipple clamps — think clothespins, chip clips, binder clips. Since most of these were not intended to be used on skin, consider putting a very thin silk scarf between skin and clamp; this will not dull the sensation but will protect against pinches or splinters. As always, when you are trying something new, start slowly and gently (as gently as possible) and crank it up as desired.
Ideas That Are Not Safe at All
Let’s be clear: we don’t believe in kink-shaming here. Any negativity is around unsafe and unhealthy practices, not any desire to indulge in BDSM or other kink play. The list of what not to do is unfortunately quite lengthy (and you know what they say, every rule has a reason), but a few that we’ve unfortunately come across more than once are:
- Duct Tape: Everybody has duct tape. We have duct tape. We love duct tape for lots of things. We don’t love it for restraining a human being. Duct tape on bare skin leads to rashes and irritation (try a small patch on your inner arm for 20 minutes and you’ll understand why it’s a bad idea), and possibly even friction burns. It also takes a fair amount of time to release a person from duct tape restraints, which is annoying and frustrating in the afterglow but way worse if there is a mishap and they need
- Metal Chains: Chains are great for restraining your partner to a bed or a door, but only when they are attached to a cuff. You should never use metal chains on bare skin. They hurt (not the good kind of hurt), they’re heavy, and there is no quick-release mechanism.
Why is it Better to Buy Real Products?
There’s definitely a sense of satisfaction in using something that you’ve crafted yourself, especially for something as personal and intimate as sex play. However, we think that it’s safest and wisest to focus your creativity on accessories like blindfolds and floggers, and trust the pros (with engineering degrees, manufacturing facilities, third-party testing, and liability insurance) when it comes to the heavy stuff.
- Suitability: Professionally produced BDSM gear has been designed to work well with many different bodies, tastes, and activities. Even if each piece feels expensive (and we get that, we pay for all our own toys too), it’s probably versatile enough to be used in at least a few different ways. It’s also going to be made to last through heavy use. Think of these pieces as an investment in your future fun times. The Bondage Boutique Temptation Soft Bondage Kit is a great starter set and should not stretch most budgets.
- Safety: We can’t put a price on health and safety. No one is going to be injured if a blindfold slips or a braided flogger unravels, but we can’t say the same when it comes to restraints or supports. Gear sold by reputable manufacturers and retailers has been engineered (probably over-engineered, honestly) and put through extensive testing to ensure that it is safe for use. It’s worth it, especially for items like sex swings that need to hold the weight of a grown adult. (If you want a sex swing, look at the Fetish Fantasy Bondage Swing!)
- Design: We think about sex play a lot. Maybe you also think about sex play a lot. But the people who create this gear think about sex at least eight hours a day and have done so for years. This means that they know what works best and how and why. You won’t regret trusting their knowledge and experience; plus, outsourcing the mechanics and construction means that you can simply enjoy the experience — and that’s what this is all about!
Happy vibing!
Maggie
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