What Is Cuckolding? Introduction To The Cuckold Fetish World

Two men and a woman hugging

I dated a fellow into cuckolding, and it was a fascinating introduction to the non-monogamous sex life. My partner was turned on by me sexually engaging with other men, particularly those bigger, stronger, and more well-endowed.

He would encourage me to engage in sexual encounters with others and then come back and tell him about it while I teased him. My partner wanted me to degrade him and describe how better the other person was in bed. He particularly enjoyed it when I said how small his dick was (despite him having one of the largest cocks).

It felt like I had won the sex lottery. I was utterly sexually free and had a partner to share all the juicy details of my escapades with.

But eventually, it got complicated because my partner and I had the best and most connected sex after being with someone else. For the most part, I just wanted to be with my partner.

Therefore, I felt some pressure to go out and get some to connect with my partner, which was a strange and, at times, unhealthy dynamic. However, I know many other couples with a healthy cuckold relationship, which may speak more about our relationship than cuckolding.

What Is Cuckolding Fetish?

In human relationships, cuckolding involves being turned on by the concept of your partner having sex with people other than you [1]. The cuckold may want to think about, watch, or participate in their partner gettin’ freaky with other people. There’s also often a BDSM component where their partner or the third person has a sexually dominant role and may degrade the cuckold [3]. The dynamic we hear most is a straight man wanting to share his wife or partner; however, all genders and sexual orientations can enjoy cuckold kink.

Two men and a woman hugging

Did You Know: The word “cuckold” comes from the cuckoo bird, which sneaks into other birds’ nests and deposits its eggs [2]. The other birds raise the cuckoo’s chicks while the cuckoo birds get a free ride. It’s a genius plot to hang out and party while still leaving their genetic imprint on the world.


How Common is Cuckolding?

Justin Lehmiller did one of the most extensive surveys of sexual desires ever completed, and he found that about 58% of men and 25% of women have had cuckolding fantasies [4]. Although less than men, the fact cuckolding had aroused so many women is a sign we need more research into women with this desire, or as they call it, “cuckqueaning.”

Cuckolding is extremely popular in porn videos, with research finding that in 2011 cuckold was the second most common heterosexual porn category. A more recent study found that in 2016, 1.75 million people searched for cuckold porn every month on Pornhub, making it easily one of the site’s top 100 search items on Internet porn sites.

So, compared to many of the fetishes discussed here, the cuckolding fantasy seems to be a pretty common fetish.


Why Are Folks Into Cuckolding?

There’s fascinating biological research exploring a potential root of the cuckolding desire in heterosexual men:

  1. When a man thinks his female partner has been with another man, he gets erect sooner, ejaculates more intensely, and releases more sperm than he would have previously.
  2. In addition, research shows men release more sperm when they think about someone making love to their wife than when they think about themselves making love to their wife!
  3. By ejaculating harder and releasing more sperm, men increase their chances of being the father if their lover becomes pregnant instead of that other buffoon.

A couple having sex while a man is watching

But, of course, being a human is much more complex than being a cuckoo bird. We have birth control, abortions, and genetic testing that can help us make informed decisions about pregnancy. However, it seems this relic of our evolutionary past may partially explain cuckolds’ excitement by the concept of sharing their partners. (Read about pregnant fetish here)

  • Biology aside, it makes sense that enjoying cuckolding is a natural extension of their desire to explore submission and masochism. If you enjoy being submissive, I can’t think of a better expression than having your girlfriend come over covered in another fellow’s cum and tell you how small your willie is.
  • Others may have natural insecurities about their body or their ability to please their partner, and they can eroticize this desire. Letting their partner experiment can make them feel more secure in the relationship. There’s some logic to this because, despite giving their partner sexual freedom, the couple chooses to be with one another.
  • Cuckolding can also be fun if you enjoy watching your partner, as it’s basically like watching live porn. It can also allow you to see what your partner looks like while having sex in a way not impossible to know when you are doing the fucking.
  • Finally, it can also be a way to play around with your sexual orientation without fully committing to having a same-sex encounter for straight-leaning folks.


When Is It A Problem?

In an ideal circumstance, much of the desire comes from cuckolds wanting to have their partner experience as much pleasure as possible. Compersion is used when discussing polyamorous relationships to describe when partners feel joy due to their partner’s excitement and happiness.

For many cuckolds, when their partner has a fantastic orgasm, it feels as if they just had one themselves. In this case, letting their partner be free is a way to show love and facilitate the experience of all types of pleasure.

However, in some situations, there can be a level of selfishness with the cuckolding lifestyle. For example, the person into cuck kink may be more focused on creating a pleasurable scene for them than for their partner.

Therefore, all parties involved must consent fully and enthusiastically. Particularly ensuring the partner of the cuckold is genuinely interested in engaging in an encounter. And not just doing it for their partner, which is imperative.


How to Explore Your Cuckold Fetish?

I highly suggest taking it slow when exploring cuckolding for the first time. Perhaps start with one partner talking about past sexual encounters while having sex. If that goes well, maybe you can go to a bar and have one partner get their flirt on!

For folks with this desire, there’s often an intense tension between arousal and jealousy.

For many, cuckolding arousal develops to cope with extreme sexual jealousy. However, it can become easier to keep these conflicting feelings balanced. And not give them an unhealthy amount of power by taking it slow and communicating throughout the encounter.

A couple having a discussion.

If these initial trials go well, you can move towards sending one partner on a hot sex mission. These sexual adventures can look several ways depending on each couple’s dynamic and desire.

For example, the partner into cuckolding can stay in the car while their partner gets freaky, join their partner in the sex act, or wait for them to come home all tired and covered in cum, ready to hear about what happened. (Read more about semen fetish here.)

It would be best if you discussed any boundaries with your partner. For example, an important rule may be that your partner always uses a condom if you are fluid-bonded. It’s also pertinent to discuss whether your relationship is fully open or only open when exploring this dynamic. It can cause tension if the relationship is only open to one person. However, the partner who is not into cuckolding may not be as chill with sharing their partner as the cuckold partner is.

It’s also imperative to explain to the third party what the situation is.

For example, it may not be necessary to tell them your cuckold partner is waiting in the car to pick you up and hear every juicy detail. However, it’s ethical to share you’re in a relationship and are not emotionally available.

If it feels right, you may also want to share the relationship dynamic you are exploring; who knows, they may be interested in exploring the sexual activity with you both.

Cuckolding is an enjoyable fetish to explore. If this is your desire, you must communicate with your partner about what you find exciting about cuckolding and how you would like to explore. Ensure you treat your partner like a human and never pressure them into engaging in any sex they are not enthusiastic and excited about.

Finally, please separate the cuckold dynamic, including humiliation and degradation, and your regular sex acts. You don’t want an unequal power dynamic to leave the bedroom.


Niki Davis-Fainbloom
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