What Is Lingam Massage? A Beginners Guide

A spa room with massage tableA lingam massage is an act of penis worship, and some countries like Japan have lingam festivals where giant statues of phalluses are worshiped. But you don’t need to go to a Japanese festival to worship a penis. You can celebrate yours right here at home.

But how do you go about it?

This article is a step-by-step guide for beginners on how to give a lingam massage for the first time. But before I dive into the details, there are essential rules to keep in mind.

What Is Lingam Massage?

A lingam massage is a tantric penis massage that activates energy flow and supports healing and spiritual awakening. In Sanskrit, lingam means “wand of light,” a beautiful way to refer to the penis [1].

You probably don’t know that tantric massage was developed in Berlin in 1977. It mixes different massage techniques with elements of tantra yoga, bioenergetics, and sexual therapy.

  1. The goal of a Tantra lingam massage is not to arouse someone to ejaculate but to build up strong sexual energy within them and bring them close to orgasm. By not losing semen, they will feel energized by lingam massages. Through gentle touch, energy work, and caressing, we can show love and respect to a person.
  2. A lingam massage is not a handjob. It’s a moment of relaxation that is not outcome-oriented and an act of care and love for your partner. Lingam worship is a moment of connection, deep relaxation, and increased intimacy.
  3. Ejaculation and orgasm are not the goals for this tantric sex practice either. But these are not avoided or repressed either as they might arise naturally. You want to move your partner’s life force energy through his body, not release their sexual tensions.


A Step-by-Step Guide to a Lingam Massage

When you give a lingam massage, you want to focus on the connection rather than the technique or the pleasure.

1. Hours of Privacy

You want to have at least 30 minutes of privacy for this massage. The longer the massage lasts, the more his mind will relax and feel the connection. So, make sure your phone is on silent mode, the kids are away or asleep, and that you don’t have to think about a work deadline.

2. Hold the Space

I received a few emails from men who, during a professional lingam massage, felt a lot of anger, sadness, or shame. Sometimes, it was a sense of release that led to uncontrolled ejaculation. They needed reassurance as they couldn’t explain why.

These are normal reactions because a lingam massage is a place for connection and healing.

When you hold space, allow any response to come up without judgment. As the giver, you can encourage your partner to make sounds or breathe deeply as you give the phallus massage. And please don’t take anything personally. Send love and compassion to them during the whole lingam massage.

3. Get Comfortable

Both the giver and the receiver need to be comfortable. So make sure you are wearing comfortable clothes or get undressed during step 3. If you’re tense, your partner will feel it.

The receiver can simply lie down on his back with his eyes closed, and the giver can kneel between the open legs or sit next to them.

A man relaxing

4. Show Delight and Appreciation

If you show delight and appreciation when giving the lingam massage, your partner will become more relaxed. It’s not natural for penis owners to stand by passively when their genitals are touched—receiving is an attribute of feminine energy.

So, please encourage them to be passive during the massage. They might try to kiss or caress you, but remind them you’re delighted and appreciative of giving to them without wanting anything in return.

5. Set the Scene

Setting the scene of a lingam massage is an essential step because it helps distinguish between a classic penis massage, a handjob, a happy-ending massage, and lingam massage therapy.

You might think that you can skip this step, but I’m telling you, it makes all the difference.

When setting the scene, you have to consider three things: the music, the lighting, and the scent. You want to create a calm environment where relaxing and letting go of stress is easy.

A couple preparing for a lingam massage

  1. Music has the power to calm the mind and massage the entire body through its subtle vibration. Prepare sensual music or use my Erotic Tantra Massage Background Music.
  2. You also want to have soft lighting and create a spa-type environment. Light some candles as they have the power to soften the mood and the gaze. If you don’t have candles, you can drape a sheer scarf over the lamp.
  3. You want your love temple to smell good so that the scenes are aroused during the massage. Burn some incense or some essential oil. I also like to have a small wet towel that I sprinkle with my favorite essential oils. Jasmine and grapefruit are my favorites because they remind me of exotic places and wild nature. Sometimes, I use my perfume so the massage is associated more directly with me.
  4. Last but not least, you want to pay attention to small details such as the texture of the bed and the pillows. Clean up any mess around and adjust the temperature of the room.

Prepare your lingam massage oil and some towels to avoid oil stains on your bedsheets before proceeding to the next step.

6. Set Your Intention During an Introduction Ritual

Sit in front of each other, holding hands. While you gaze at each other, you can add some breathwork and do deep belly breathing until you both breathe in rhythm. (Check out my Tantric sex guide, where I talk more about eye gazing and deep breath techniques.)

Eye gazing tantra

Then, decide to share your intention as a giver and receiver.

For the giver, you might say something like, “I honor you and respect you as a part of myself. This massage is a space for you to relax and connect with yourself.” Convey the message that this is a place for your partner to experience and receive, and there is no expectation. They don’t have to get hard, ejaculate, or have sex with you afterward. It’s essential to remind them to take any pressure off.

For the receiver, you can say, “I honor you and respect you as a part of myself. I’m grateful for the care in your act.”

If you’re the giver, you may decide to keep your clothes on during the cock worship. Or, both of you might remove your clothes, one piece at a time. If you want to increase the symbolism of each action, you can voice what you are stripping away.

For example, you can say, “I remove fear,” as you take off your shirt. Or “I remove shame” as you remove your panties, etc.

7. Relax His Whole Body

When you give a sensual lingam massage, you don’t go straight into massaging the penis. You start by massaging your partner’s body in a sensual and erotic massage. It will be the warm-up.

Tantric massage technique feather strokes

Ask your partner to lay down on this stomach first and massage his back. Use some massage oil and release the tension they might hold in his body with a deep, firm touch. You can always check in to see if they want the pressure to be stronger or lighter.

I like to use the pressure of my elbow to give a strong, firm massage. I also use some techniques from the Lomi Lomi massage, a Hawaiian shamanistic massage in which you use tons of massage oils and your forearms to massage the body like waves in the ocean.

Tantric massage technique forearms to body

Massage the feet, too, by applying firm pressure in the middle of the sole of each foot.

Then, ask your partner to turn on their back and massage them, the same way, from their feet to the head. Resist the temptation to tease the penis or other erogenous zones at this point. You want them to be relaxed and not necessarily aroused.

8. Let the Penis Massage Begin

Now that he’s fully relaxed let the penile massage begin!

First, hold the penis firmly and connect with it. Remember your intention and send waves of sexual energy from you to the penis. You can gently kiss it to give it love and respect.

In the next section, I will share some specific lingam massage techniques you can apply. However, it’s not essential to remember them. Following your intuition is because we don’t want you to be stressed out if you forget something.

The Best Lingam Massage Techniques

Welcome and Farewell

Place one hand on the genitals and the other one on the heart. Keep them there for a little bit and breathe deeply. Imagine a beam of light circling between you and your partner.

Lingam Shiatsu

Lingam Shiatsu

Start at the base of the penis and press with your thumb and index finger for a few seconds. Slowly work your fingers upwards by 0.5 inches.

Rainbow Rub

Rainbow rub

Embrace the glans with one hand. If the penis haver has a foreskin, pull it up around the glans, then gently knead the glans and the frenulum. Check out this guide for more about frenulum massage.

Rock Around the Clock

Rock around the clock

This lingam massage technique works best in a half-erect state. Stroke the lingam from its base to the tip, alternating with both hands. Move your hand in the direction of a circle, like the hand of a clock.

Belly Delight

Belly Delight

Gently press the lingam against the abdomen and stroke it with one hand after the other from the scrotum upwards to the belly.

Perineum Vibration

Perineum Vibration

Clench your fist and put it firmly against the perineum––the area between the testicles and anus (sacred spot, sacred object, prostate massage, etc.). Start vibrating it lightly. Stay in this position for 30 seconds, then twist your fist for five turns. Repeat.

Ball Ring

Lingam massage Ball Ring

Grab the scrotum above the testicles with one hand and carefully pull the skin tight. Stroke, pluck, and tease the balls with the other hand.



First, apply a lot of oil or lubricant. Place the glans in the center of your palm. With your other hand, embrace the shaft and twist to the left and the right.



Hold the balls with one hand and grab the lingam with the other. Move upwards with a corkscrew-like twisting movement.

Spread the Energy

Rest both hands on the genitals and move one hand away from the lingam while the other stays rested. The hand that moves spreads the energy in long gliding strokes over their body, arms, legs, and hands and feet.

My Selection of Massage Oils, Essential Oils, and Books

I have selected for you my favorite lubricants, Yoni massage oils, and scents to make the cock massage a memorable moment.

Vitruvi has an elegant essential oil diffuser that will blend well with the coziness of your bedroom. I use it for my favorite essential oil, which is grapefruit, and the smell is original and refreshing. If you prefer jasmine or rose scents, try the double pack of essential natural oils by Yethious.

As for the lingam massage oil, some extra-virgin coconut oil or baby oil is fine to use. I love an edible chocolate massage oil, but the smell is not pleasant for everybody. Silicone-based lube is also handy.

If you want to dive deeper into the art of lingam and tantra massage techniques, I have a must-read book for you. The “Tantric Massage: For Beginners! The Ultimate Tantric Massage Techniques & Tantric Move Making Guide”. Written by James Argyle, this book will teach you additional lingam massage techniques to stroke his lingam with love and consciousness.


Hakima Tantrika
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