Many of us complain our lovers don’t know how to pleasure us, yet we have no clue how to pleasure ourselves. We tend to put all of the responsibility on our partner when it comes to providing us with pleasure.
Doesn’t that sound like a lot of pressure?
That’s exactly where the idea of tantric self-pleasure came from. Self-pleasure simply means masturbating but with the intention to please ourselves. We take full responsibility for our sexual pleasure. It’s not a quick masturbation session, but rather a time set intentionally to experience learning how to please ourselves.
That being said, a tantric solo sex practice isn’t about bringing yourself to ejaculation or clitoral orgasm. It’s much more than that.
What Is Tantric Masturbation?
A tantric masturbation ritual is about taking time to make love to yourself. It is an opportunity to explore what feels good without achieving orgasm or rushing to climax within a certain amount of time. It’s a solo “self-love” session.
For some people, it can be intimidating to masturbate and even seen as sinful or immoral. But it isn’t! There is nothing more natural than masturbating. And the more you do, the more you’ll benefit from it if it’s done with consciousness and intention.
Benefits of Tantric Masturbation
A tantric self-pleasuring ritual can really make a big difference in your sex life and your life in general.
It will:
- Help you raise your sex drive with time.
- Teach you not to be attached to an outcome and enjoy each moment as you let go.
- Help penis owners last longer when making love to a partner.
- Allow vagina owners to feel heightened pleasure as they get to know their bodies.
- Make you more creative and provide feelings of sexiness.
Tantric solo sex is the perfect practice to expand your orgasmic capacity and train your body’s response to pleasure.
How To Do Tantric Masturbation In 7 Easy Steps
1. Set up the space
Close the door and make a cozy place for yourself.
Use some incense, and if you have some sage handy, cleanse the room of any bad energy. Light some candles and dim the lights to create a warm atmosphere.
It might also be a good idea to close the window. That way, you can make all the sounds you want without worrying about your neighbor’s hearing.
If you’re going to use some toys, make sure they are washed and clean.
Put some soft, sexy music on, and let the ritual begin.
2. Timing
Decide when you are going to do your self-pleasure ritual. Will you do it at night time or first thing in the morning? Will you make this ritual daily? Maybe weekly? Find what works best for you and give it a try.
Note that the more you practice, the more you will access your ability to surrender to truly knowing yourself.
3. Opening
Open your ritual by dancing to some relaxing music. Move your body and allow yourself to feel sensual.
While you dance, connect with your intention for this tantric masturbation ritual. Your intention could be either:
- To connect with yourself.
- To explore new fantasies.
- Manifest a great job opportunity with sex magic/sex transmutation (more on that later).
- To be happy with anything that unfolds in that space.
- Or any other intention that comes to mind
As you move, use your breath to transfer your sexual energy throughout your own body.
Then, slow down and get ready to give yourself a self-massage. Since tantric masturbation is not about climax but about feeling good, a self-massage is one way to allow your body to let go of any tension, relax, and feel good.
During your self-massage, use coconut oil and gently massage your tummy, breasts, shoulders, neck, head, and back to your feet, legs, thighs, arms, and hands.
Use a scratch or feather stroke to touch yourself and find what’s best for you.
You can add a yoni or lingam massage to that.
4. Stimulating the genitals
Now that you’ve massaged your whole body, you’re going to stimulate your genitals in a way you would want someone to make love to you. How you do that really doesn’t matter. What matters is the state of your mind rather than the physical act.
Here are some tantric masturbation techniques you can apply when stimulating your genital area, but there really is no rule.
Sounds
Allow sounds to move through your body. It activates your pleasure center. Let it all out. You can sound angry, you can sound sad, or it can sound ecstatic.
You want to express your emotions, and you are allowed to cry––don’t judge yourself for having emotions. It’s okay to punch a pillow if you are angry, too.
Give yourself positive affirmation or talk dirty to yourself as you stimulate your genitals. Yes, you can talk to yourself as you want a lover to talk to you!
Movements
Move your body in a way that feels good when you are self-pleasuring. Don’t stay stiff––it equals blockages of energy.
Breathe
If you start to become excited, don’t hold your breath. Breathe deeply to release your sexual energy. You want to breathe through your belly fully each time you feel a rush of pleasure. Breathing deeply increases blood flow circulation to the body, including the brain and sexual organs. You know what happens when more blood flows to the sexual organs, right?
Mirror work
Mirror work can be very powerful, and it can be a turn-on to see yourself touching yourself. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Mirror work is also a great way to explore your insecurities. In front of the mirror, make love to yourself as you wish someone else would make love to you.
Shower play
The shower or the bathtub is a great place to practice tantric masturbation. First, take a warm shower or soak in a bathtub. Secondly, find a comfortable position and use the handheld showerhead to play with the water on your genitals.
Tantric Masturbation For Men & Penis Owners
Your body is habituated to ejaculating after a certain amount of stimulus. And the average man takes about five minutes to ejaculate during sex. That would be okay if it were by choice, but generally, it’s because you don’t know how to last longer, even if you wanted to.
During your tantric masturbation ritual, you want to let go of any attachment to the outcome. Learn how to work with your body so you can experience arousal over an extended period but not ejaculate.
Let’s say there is a scale from 1 to 100. 100 is the point where you reach the peak of arousal and ejaculate. There’s a place, which is about 80%, called the point of no return. I think the name is pretty straightforward, but when you cross that point, it’s game over.
To pleasure yourself over an extended period without ejaculating, you want to keep your arousal at about 60% at the maximum. Eventually, what was your 100 will be your 60% in a couple of weeks, and the pleasure you feel will grow.
Releasing attachment to ejaculation would allow you to learn how to separate ejaculation and orgasm. There are two different body responses.
I know it will be difficult, but you learn more by failing, doing it again and getting right through.
Tantric Masturbation For Women & Vagina Owners
When you practice tantric masturbation, it’s the best way to know your genitals better. So, here’s a quick reminder of what female anatomy looks like.
The outer part is called the vulva, and it includes:
- The clitoral hood is a piece of flesh covering your clitoris and has about 8,000 nerve endings.
- The labia (major and minor) run along the outside of your vagina.
- The urethral opening is where you pee from.
- The vagina and anus. I don’t think I need to explain.
The internal erogenous zones include the G-spot, a spongy spot two inches inside your body. Then, located deep inside your vagina, you’ll find the A-spot and your cervix.
When you participate in self-pleasure rituals, you can either stimulate your clitoris or G-spot.
In order to stimulate the clitoris, you can:
- Place a couple of fingers on your clitoral hood and rub them up and down.
- You can draw small circles around your clit using one finger.
- Tap your clitoris lightly with one finger, increasing the speed as your arousal increases.
Stimulating the G-spot needs a little bit more skill:
- Insert two fingers inside your vagina and stroke the G-spot with a ‘come here’ motion.
- Press your fingers against the G-Spot and stroke from side to side.
5. Build-up intensity
If you want to enhance your sacred masturbation experience, you can build up the intensity by using some sex toys.
Men can, for example, try the F1S V3 by Lelo (Click here for our review). It is a high-tech male masturbator that uses vibrations to increase pleasure. I had some clients use it and report back that it has changed the game of their tantric masturbation practice. However, it wasn’t a good fit for a large penis.
Women can use the Sona 2 Cruise during their spiritual masturbation. It is a clit-suck toy with different intensity levels, which changes the game for women who have a hard time letting go (Click here for our review). You can also use a Yoni Wand, a phallic-shaped crystal dildo designed to support self-penetration. The opposite of classic dildo, the material used is said to have some healing and energetic powers.
6. Practice Sex-magic
Some people––among them the successful Napoleon Hills, author of Think and Grow Rich––have used this ancient spiritual practice to manifest money, a new job opportunity, or anything they desire. The energy of sex is the most creative one since it has the power to give life. Tantric sex magic is manifesting whatever you desire by using your sexual energy.
As you practice solo tantra masturbation, focus on the intention to manifest something very specific. Imagine you already have it as you stimulate yourself and embody the emotions of joy and satisfaction as you touch yourself. It’s pretty simple, yet it does wonders!
You can read more about sex magic manifesting in my guide.
7. Cool-down
By this point, you must have reached––or not reached––climax. However, it’s not important. The most important thing is that you have experienced a moment of self-love.
It’s time now to cool down and lower the intensity of your tantric masturbation session, and you can finish with silent meditation.
Sit with your spine straight or lay down on your bed in silence and focus on the sensations in your body. Feel gratitude for this present moment to please yourself.
As you finish your session, you can either go straight to bed if it’s nighttime or continue your day if it’s daytime.
***
Give self-pleasure rituals a try. If you have a partner, I understand you want to have sex with them rather than make love to yourself. You can practice tantric masturbation rituals as a couple. Please give it a thought and have a discussion about it with your partner. Just say, “What if we both tried?” It can be an intimate and bonding sexual experience for both.
I hope my guide inspires you to self-discovery and make a sacred space for yourself.
Hakima
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